Then it turns out that she spends the night with the girlfriend who still remained single because there is no other solution. They either go to conquer into the night, or may go to the movies, but whatever the program may be the end is always the same, it is guaranteed that next morning she wakes up alone in bed…
In fact, it is natural that we don’t want to be alone and also that always those things hurt most in life, which are missing. If we don’t have a job that causes the pain, if we are sick we pray to recover as soon as possible, if there is a broken pipe and we have no running water for three days, we pray for not having to take a shower again at our friend’s in another district, if there is no love in our lives, the passion and the lack of the feeling of belonging to someone troubles our soul. It is useful to see that not only singles have problems, isn’t it…???

But still this lack is the most painful of all… What is the mystery of love that keeps us all detained, and without which life seems so mechanical and lifeless? And how is it possible that life immediately becomes rose scented, a rainbow appears in the sky and the warm feeling in our hearts helps to endure the unbearable, to survive the unsurvivable?
Frankly, I don’t have the faintest idea. Since people existed they have been trying to put their thoughts into words about the feeling, in vain…

Sometimes I’m pondering about how much is missed during such a miserable, pathetic state, when we’re moody, aimless, bored and don’t care about anything… I mean, how many possibilities!
How many possibilities to acquire a better education, to earn more money, to build up a nice career, to find ourselves in a good hobby, to achieve excellent results in your favorite sport, to everything that suddenly will be missed when the One enters our life. When we have to show him that what more is in us apart from that Crazy flame… Because, for sure, if beyond our wonderful devotion we cannot present anything else but our fluttering eyelids and puckered mouth, it is almost certain that we’ll be able to stand our ground in love only as much as in other fields of life before… I’m not saying that the magic of puckering cannot last for a while, but in absence of real content, there is no real chance of establishing a long lasting, harmonious relationship. Because if passion has cooled down a bit what are you going to talk about? It is impossible to converse about our non-existent career, hobby, favorite books…

I know that at the time of heartache it is difficult to concentrate on receiving further education in order to rely on more than one opportunities, learning at least one foreign language so that we can speak in the world, or achieving tiny results in any kind of sports (just for the sake of our own amusement) in order to be able to present a little success for ourselves, from which we can feed our self-confidence and self-esteem. And of course, it makes a difference how we introduce ourselves to the love of our lives…

I can not repress the philosopher of religions in myself! For a little note, I must share the thoughts of my favorite philosopher, Hegel, with the dear readership. He maintained that the person who has a strong aim in life, who can stick to one’s aim throughout a lifetime and is able to fight for it, this person will be less worn out by the games of emotions. Personally, I agree with him. You can not live only for love. We need real goals in life that make us nobler, more human, more valuable.

Always Muhammad Ali comes to my mind as the person who realized the above idea. He was preparing for one of the most important matches of his life in Africa, when one of his many wives threw the door open, almost breaking it, and hysterically attacked him: Ali! What about us? Everyone is talking about your affairs, I don’t know what to think about our marriage. Tell me, tell me what you want?! Ali looked up with shining eyes and all he replied was: I wanna be a world champion…

“People are born for different tasks, but in order to survive everyone requires the same nourishment: inner peace.”  (Sri Sathya Sai Baba)

Some avenues to inner peace include:

• Noticing your breath
• Meditating
• Walks in nature
• Quieting the mind
• Forgiving others and self
• Being gentle on yourself

and many more not listed here.

What exactly is inner peace?  (I’m sure some of you are asking that question.)  Well it’s the feeling of serenity no matter what’s going on in your life; the feeling that you are okay and all is well, even when circumstances appear otherwise.  Inner peace is creating your own internal climate (which you determine), in spite of whatever situation you find yourself in.

Albert Einstein said, “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.  He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead:  his eyes are closed.”

And indeed there is a mystery to inner peace, and finding it requires you to open your eyes fully.  For how is it that some find it and can live from that space, while others struggle to even experience it for short periods of time?

Much like any skill that we can develop, some people are born with a greater aptitude for finding and living in peace, while others have to work a bit more at it (just like some are more naturally skilled singers or musicians).  But that doesn’t mean you can’t live in peace.

For just as everyone can play a musical instrument if they practice enough, so too can everyone find inner peace.  You must make it a priority though and place your attention on it (just like anything else worth doing or having or being).

There are as many roads to inner peace as there are individuals seeking it.  And no one road will serve everyone.  So don’t worry if you know someone who found it through meditation, and you can’t meditate for five minutes without falling asleep!  That just means you can cross off meditation as your path…

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, “There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace.  You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub.”  Which is great news!  There’s no need to spend a ton of money or take expensive retreats (unless of course you wish to), for inner peace is accessible to you from the comfort of your own home.

More than anything else, inner peace comes from a shift in your mindset, your perspective, your inner dialogue.  Jack Kornfield asked, “What would we have to hold in compassion to be at peace right now?  What would we have to let go of to be at peace right now?”

And it really does come down to how you choose to view and interpret the world around you.  If you were able to see everything through the eyes of compassion, and not be attached to things occurring a certain way, you would know peace.  If you could live from a state of complete gratitude (even being thankful for things that “go wrong”), you would know peace.

But rather than seeing it as an “all or nothing” deal, why not aim for more inner peace today than you had yesterday?  So perhaps your desire is to experience inner peace more frequently, or to stay in that space a bit longer each time you get there.  Make your journey fun and enjoyable, and notice the changes you’re making along the way.

Think of yourself as living within a snow globe (you know the kind you turn upside down and it snows inside?) — and you are in charge of your internal climate within your snow globe.  What will your climate be — peaceful or chaotic?  You get to choose, day in and day out, hour after hour — the choice is yours to make.

Let me know what you choose…

About EliseOnLife

Elise Fee is a Consulting Hypnotist and a Life Mentor — her business “EliseOnLife” helps clients get a new lease on life. Elise’s many varied life experiences have taught her broader, more expansive ways to view and experience the world and humanity.  She works with clients all over the world, locally in one-on-one sessions or via Skype (audio and/or video) or telephone.  If you are interested in contacting Elise for a personal session, post a comment and she’ll contact you directly.  If you’d like to subscribe to her free daily blog, go to www.EliseOnLife.com

Have you ever wondered how your level of happiness–or lack thereof–affects your health? Are there any direct correlations between how happy you are and how healthy you are? Over the years, I have read many times how stress can greatly affect your health. The more stressed you are, the more physical side effects you have. With that in mind, could the opposite be true? Could the power of joy and happiness create a healthier you?

Not that I have ever polled people (although maybe I should), nor am I a doctor, I have, however, observed that many people who are unhappy also have health issues. Personally I find this incredibly fascinating because happiness is a choice. Although you may not be able control initial feelings, I firmly believe that ultimately you do have control over the continued state of those emotions.  Just as you can choose to be angry and irritated for an extended period of time, so can you choose to be happy. Happiness is a state of mind, of which we all have complete control. Not to say there are not things that make you sad and can upset you but overall you can choose to be happy with you situation or you choose to be upset with it.

This past weekend I was in a room full of people and as I stood there and  looked around the room I couldn’t help but notice the different personalities and expressions and displays of emotion. Some were happy, some somber, some were nervous and some excited.  Surprisingly, I noticed that there were also a couple of people who were not smiling, in fact they were scowling. Why? They were all there to watch their children, grandchildren and friend’s children dance and put on a little talent show.  Specifically when there was a group of girls approximately 3 in age performing I noticed many people couldn’t contain their smiles because watching little girls dance and be silly makes most people smile. So how is it you could see something so sweet yet you still stand there so bitter and cold? Are you really that unhappy in life that even the purest of things cannot make you smile? Why would anyone choose to live that way?

This made me think about myself and a time when I was not happy and the way it affected me. I probably would have displayed the same scowls these people did and not even realized I was doing it. My mind was so consumed with anger and frustration that I could not find the joy in simple things. Sadly, I was making a choice to be unhappy which obviously affected much more of me then I had realized at the time.

Thinking back on that time has caused me to take notice of the dramatic change in my own health since I rid my life of so much unhappiness. Prior to a huge change in my life four years ago, I was unhappy like those people at the performance. So much so that it filled my life and took a huge toll on my health. I was not unhealthy in the way many people are in that I did not have any diseases nor did I need to take medications for any ailments. I was, however, in a place in my life where I was miserable. I never slept which is obviously not good for me or anyone, and I was losing weight at an extremely unhealthy rate. I don’t remember thinking much about my health during that time–other things were much too important for me to worry myself with my health. Obviously I knew I was not sleeping and I noticed my weight change but honestly I was just trying to get by and do the best for my children that I could during an extremely hard time. Friends and family would comment about my weight and their concerns for me but I just wasn’t in a place to see it clearly.

It wasn’t until I had made it through that dreaded period of time and I had come out on the other side a new person that I noticed the dramatic change in my health. I had completely changed. I no longer was angry and miserable. I was once again excited about my life. An extremely joyful and truly happy person. It was then that I realized instead of staying up all night as I was in the years prior and sleeping for two or three hours each night, I was going to bed at a reasonable time and sleeping in when I got the chance. I was not in any hurry to get out of bed and I was so happy to stay right there next to the man I loved. Sleep was just the first change.

My weight was the next issue that just seemed to fall into place. No longer was I wondering if I was going to have to go and buy size zero pants because my fours and twos were falling off. Maybe for some of you that is a dream come true, for me it is not. I am not a teenage girl and it not my goal to look like one either. I enjoy being healthy and more importantly I feel it very important to not fall into the trap of the excessively skinny fad. Thinking back to the time when I was not happy, I knew I had a problem when I stepped on the scale and barely weighed over 100 pounds. I didn’t need my friends and family to point that out, but I certainly did not know what to do about it at the time. I knew there was something wrong with me I just did not know what it was or how to deal with it.

What I did not know was my problem was a lack of happiness. It had never occurred to me that my lack of happiness and my misery was greatly affecting my health. My lack of happiness led to no sleep and me not eating. It was not like I consciously thought about the fact that I was depriving myself of sleep or food, actually it was the opposite. I was consumed with everything else that it all kept me away from proper rest and nourishment. My mind was continually spinning with all that was happening around me and so sleep and food never crossed my mind.

That was until my life changed for the better. I had finally found happiness. A happiness that completed me and filled me with so much joy and wonder. I knew the love I had/have with my husband was perfect but I never thought it would have a direct effect on my health–it did. I am healthier and happier than I ever was.

So was it happiness that made me a healthier person or was it just coincidence?

As an example, scientologists believe that you can heal your body with positive thinking. I am not a scientologist–not even close–but if I remove religion from their way of thinking, are they onto something? The theory behind this is that the mind controls the body and therefore your state of mind affects your entire body. If your mind is in a bad place, will it will greatly affect the wellbeing of your body? And following that logic, because you can control your mind, thoughts and feelings, should it follow that you ultimately have control over your health of your body?

So speaking solely about my own experience I can say that four years ago my mind was trapped in a very bad place. Truly the darkness consumed me. With that came the lack of sleep, stress and the weight loss. Then a year later, after I escaped the misery and found my joy and happiness, I am now sleeping and maintaining a healthy weight for me. Fast forward two more years and I am still sleeping, my weight is still a healthy one, and I continue to grow in happiness.

So now I am asking, does happiness play a role in your health? Is my observation consistent with the things you have experienced or is it just coincidence? Share you stories and tell me your experience or theories on this topic. I really want to know. Much more importantly, I hope that sharing helps others.

Author Bio: Carrie Dahle has spent her life doing the right thing, rather than pursuing her dreams. That is until now. Four years ago, she threw caution to the wind, divorced her then husband of ten years, and began reaching for the stars. She began writing professionally, and has been published numerous times. She is the founder and creator or Day to Day Woman and hopes that her experiences in life will inspire others

In addition to my law practice, I am a yoga teacher and run a yoga teacher training program. I started yoga back in 1998 after asking another attorney in my office what she was doing to achieve her zen-like attitude and healthy fit body. Since that time, the practice has progressively helped me handle the challenge of my sometimes unavoidably adversarial profession as well as learn to better handle personal stressors and my relationships with others.

Amy Weintraub is the director of the LifeForce Yoga Healing Institute and a leader in the field of yoga and mental health. She is the author of Yoga for Depression* and has lectured extensively at universities and wellness institutes throughout the United States and internationally. She has also trained many psychotherapists and other health professionals in employing yogic techniques in private and group talk therapy sessions, and is currently working on her book Yoga Tools for You and Your Client**. She recently returned from India, where she was a presenter at the first international conference examining yoga’s impact on health and social wellness.

Ms. Weintraub distinguishes yoga from other forms of exercise on mental and physical levels. She points out that on a physical level, yoga focuses on present body sensation and breath. Yoga is distinct from other forms of exercise in that it emphasizes breath work and ones’ thoughts as integrated with physical movements.

Jill Camera, head of vinaysa (flow) yoga at Yoga Sutra in New York City where I currently teach, further explains that yoga encourages you to concentrate on your own well-being which, in turn, helps you handle how you react to others. Ms. Camera also points out that yoga reminds you that you cannot change another person’s bad behavior, but that it can help you learn to push aside repetitive thoughts and compulsive bad habits.

Ms. Camera adds that couples who both practice yoga can more easily work through a break-up process, and notes that two of the Ashtanga teachers at Yoga Sutra, Constanza and Arthur Roldin, are not only amicably divorced, but continue to teach Mysore (self-led Ashtanga) class in tandem.

In fact, recent studies back Weintraub and Camera’s claims. One study found yoga improves mood, self-esteem and better emotional regulation***. Additionally, Ohio State University conducted a study in 2010 that found that yoga lowered stress levels more than other forms of exercise****. That study has been cited by, among others, the National Institutes of Health and Mayo Clinic to encourage people under stress to practice yoga.

On a philosophical level, yogis believe that each individual is “whole,” and that we can learn to better deal with trauma, stress and anger by understanding that our troubles do not define us. Ms. Weintraub explains that people will still feel the pain of divorce, but that they can employ thought strategies that allow those negative feelings to pass through their minds as opposed to constantly constricting them.

Ms. Weintraub also notes that group practice settings have great benefits for those suffering an emotional loss or crisis. “There’s something wonderful about sangha (the community) of like-hearted and like-minded human beings. If you can go into a class where you see the same people, there’s a sense of connection. Yogis believe that a source of our suffering is the false belief that we’re separate, alone and isolated.”

There are many forms of yoga that incorporate a wide-range of techniques, ranging from gentle breath work and body movements, to chanting mantras and dharma talks (a public discourse by a Buddhist teacher), to vigorous physical movements with little or no emphasis on spiritually-based talks.

Ms. Weintraub notes that if you go to a yoga class and you don’t like it, try another form. “If you walk out of a class feeling bad or worse, that’s not yoga. Feel the connection or try to discover another teacher or community. Find a teacher that accepts you where you are and inspires you to deepen your connection to yourself and others.”

Most people have to deal with challenging child care and financial issues after a break-up and cannot afford to go on a year- long yogic quest for self-identity after divorce like Julia Roberts character in Eat, Pray, Love. The movie justifiably received an intense backlash from those who found it trite and unrealistically self-indulgent for the masses going through divorce.

However, many yogis and studios practice karma yoga (selfless service), and offer discounted or free yoga classes. In fact, Michelle Williams is so grateful for yoga’s healing powers after the loss of Heath Ledger that she recently started a program called Yoga For Single Moms Project, which offers free yoga classes and simultaneous child care to single parents. (www.yogaforsinglemoms.com). Many studios such as San Francisco’s The Sun Room at Mission Yoga are donation based. (www.missionyoga.com). Also, stores such as Lululemon offer weekly free community classes (www.lululemon.com) and inexpensive passbooks exist that gain annual access to hundreds of free yoga classes in major cities such as Los Angeles, Chicago and New York. (www.health-fitness.org).

*Broadway Books, 2004.
**Norton Professionals, publication in 2012.
***This study was presented at the January, 2011 conference attended by Ms. Weintraub and was conducted by Sat Bir Singh Khalsa, Ph.D., Dir. Of Research for the Kundalini Research Inst., Research Dir. For the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health, and assistant professor at Harvard medical School at Brigham and Women’s Hospital.
****Kiecolt-Glaser JK, Christian L, Preston H, et al. Stress, Inflammation, and yoga practice. Psychosomatic Medicine. Feb. 2010.

*Previously published on The Huffington Post

Author Bio: Liz Mandarano is a partner at the law firm Bikel & Mandarano, LLP. She initially practiced law as a prosecutor with Dade County State Attorney’s Office in Miami, Florida. In 1998, she commenced practicing in civil litigation in New York. She has tried numerous cases to verdict and has represented clients in State, Federal and Family Courts. She has lectured on the admissibility of expert testimony and is the co-author of Active Use of Spoliation, published by the Defense Research Institute.

I signed up for the Warrior Dash last week.

The Warrior Dash is a 3-mile cross country foot-race that involves obstacles like a mud pit with barbed wire overhead, a pond with logs to clamor over and a line of fire crossing the path to the finish line. I think it was the flames that made it most appealing.  My 15-year-old daughter will be joining me, though I suspect I will only see her at the starting line and after crossing the finish.

Signing up really doesn’t make sense for me. I am not in any kind of racing shape – light years away from the strong, lithe, athlete I was in college when I thought my body and my dreams would never decay.

I do yoga and walk my dog, but I think a race that includes hopping over a series of walls and leaping across floating platforms involves a lot more than that. I definitely could have found other things to do with the $100 registration fees, but somehow, after hearing a description of the event, the urge to sign-up was irresistible.

I need to reacquaint myself with my inner warrior.

At one time, we were inseparable companions. We rode horses bareback across bumpy pastures, pretending to be Indian princesses. We raced through cross country courses with long spikes and sharp elbows, and we pulled on a backpack and set out on the Appalachian Trail all alone. We were brave and daring and dashing.

Somehow along the way, we lost contact. I didn’t hear from her as much and  my life became less dashing, more about seatbelts and insurance policies. I got married and became a mother. I focused on my career and  keeping my house clean. Then my marriage faltered and fell apart. I no longer heard the voice of my inner warrior-girl.

Just a few weeks ago, someone mentioned the Warrior Dash to me, and I remembered  my old friend. I thought I heard her whisper to me, speaking soft words about challenge and bravery heart and joy. It was hard to clearly understand her.

And yet, the urge to sign up for the race was there. Running through mud and flames doesn’t feel like anything after going through a divorce. Those things are tangible, visible obstacles standing between me and the cool t-shirt. They don’t sneak up from behind and grab your ankles, dragging you down into a mire of frustration and depression. They are conquerable objects rather than things that must be endured and moved through.

Furthermore, with this challenge, I am in control. On that particular day in May, for 3 miles, I will know that hard things are facing me and I will need strength and stamina to get through them. I have time to prepare. It’s up to me to get in shape and build my wind back up. Whether or not I run the whole way or walk after the first hundred yards is totally in my control.

My Warrior-Girl is speaking to me once more. She tells me to go out the door at 5:30 a.m. to run up and down the road. She reminds me that an extra cookie might not be a good idea and she pushes me to do an extra pushup in morning yoga. At first her voice was quiet, way back and low. Now I hear her more loudly and more clearly.

So, we will go to the starting line together again. Whether we will run or walk, I don’t know. What I do know is it feels good to be reacquainted with my friend Warrior Girl and I hope on that day in May, she is shouting with joy.

Author Bio: Robin Dake is a writer and photographer living in North Georgia with two daughters and a dog. She holds a journalism degree from the University of Georgia and writes about a wide variety of topics from women’s issues to parenting tips. She was the recipient of two news writing awards from the Georgia Association of Broadcasting in 2008.

Bad Habit One:

Your husband left you and you’re feeling despondent; you’re not sure how you’re going to make ends meet.

All of a sudden, you find yourself with a cigarette in your mouth. Your father died of emphysema ten years ago and, until this moment, you hadn’t smoked up since.

The stress of divorce has pushed you to the cigarette’s comfort, even though you know it can kill you.

Bad Habit Two:

You’re living alone and you just went on a date with an interesting guy. He told you he doesn’t want to see you again, so you return home alone and rejected. Your kids are sleeping upstairs. Your mom just left—she watched them while you were out. You rarely drink, but you find that half a bottle of wine is already gone. And you’re almost finished with a carton of ice cream.

Examples One and Two aren’t evil, but on a repetitive basis, they are surely destructive to your health and well being. Both situations are examples of regression; when a person returns to a less mature way of functioning because they are under stress, they are, by definition, regressed.

Note that the emotional instability and a sense of helplessness, so common in divorce, can be precursors to resuming bad habits.

Example one is very common. Data from 2005-2007 revealed that, in the US, the population of divorced and separated men and women had almost twice as many smokers (30.6%) as the married population (16.2%) (Schoenborn and Adams, 2010).

Once you start smoking again, it’s difficult to stop. As hard as this fact may be to swallow, we’d like to point out that the life expectancy of a chronic smoker is ten years shorter than that of a non-smoker (Kaufman, 2004). Since your kids need you alive and well, this fact is as precious as the statistic on car accidents.

Example Two is also common. Schoenborn and Adams (2010) found that obesity was more prevalent and healthy weight less prevalent among divorced and separated women than among married women. Heavy drinking was also more prevalent in the population of divorced and separated men and women than it was in the married population. If smoking and drinking or binge eating were your coping mechanisms of choice in the past, you may now find yourself returning to old standbys.

If you’re hurt or angry, alone, sad, or worried, there are wholesome and intelligent ways to manage your pain – ways you can take pride in and that will make you feel good. Ways that can help avoid a loss of control, regret or, even worse, medical illness.

First, acknowledge that you have regressed. It is not as bad as it sounds. We all do it. Regression is common for everyone under stress, married, single or divorced. The problem with divorce is that the stress can take years to abate.

Now deal with your upset with both long term planning and short term prevention strategies. Take pleasure in knowing that you are alive and well and that this will get better one day. I mean it. Find pleasure in taking better care of yourself. It is a good antidote to the destructive pleasures of pigging out, drinking or smoking.

Long term, take care of your body through healthy exercise and eating right. Have people around you to call or hang out with. There is such healing in experiencing that you are not alone.

Finally, when alone and in despair, call someone.

Have a buddy who is on your side and beat the need for a destructive pleasure.

After all, the best mistake is the one you don’t make.

Author Bio: Mark R. Banschick, M.D. is a diplomat of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology with over 20 years of experience in child and adolescent psychiatry. The Intelligent Divorce course evolved from his work as an expert witness in custody disputes. Dr. Banschick has appeared on the CBS Early Show and has been quoted in The New York Times, The Huffington Post and firstwivesworld.com.

Dr. Mark Banschick’s book, The Intelligent Divorce, is a powerful and inspirational self guided resource that will change your life and the lives of your children.

My children were young and in elementary school.  I had joined the PTA and was involved in various social activities in order to get to know the other mothers better.  I had bowled my entire life so I joined the PTA bowling league that met every Monday morning.

I had gotten to know a number of women through the bowling league and enjoyed talking with them about everything from the best teachers in each grade, to what they were making for dinner that night.  One particular Monday morning the women were talking about what they had done over the weekend and when it was my turn to share I said that I had gone upstate to my parent’s trailer on a lake…..alone.

Every head turned and every face looked confused.  One friend said “Alone?  What do you mean alone?”  I told them that I went upstate by myself and my husband kept the kids home with him for the weekend.  It felt like each woman gasped “WHY?!” in unison and I was taken back.  It was confusing to me that this idea was so foreign to them but I didn’t give it much thought at the time.

A few years later I read a wonderful description in 12-Step program literature that described how we are told in an emergency situation on an airplane to put our oxygen mask on first before we help anyone else.

The power of this metaphor is that you can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself.  The first time I read that description I remembered that awkward day, having to explain to some PTA mother’s how I could possibly leave my children home with their father in order to spend some quiet time alone. I realized that I was practicing self care before it became a buzz word in our society.

Extrovert vs. Introvert

The major “aha” moment for me came when I read a description of an extrovert versus an introvert while I was learning about my son’s Attention Deficit Disorder.

In this description, an extrovert was someone who received their energy from being around other people; an introvert received their energy from being by themselves and became drained being around people for extended periods of time.  A light bulb went off in my head – I was a classic introvert!

That explained why I was so drained at the end of the day when I spent most of the day around other people, why I always felt the need to sneak off to have quiet time, why I enjoyed the company of one good friend rather than a group.

Once I understood why I naturally felt better taking time to myself and I stopped making myself “wrong” for being that way, something shifted in me.  I now began to understand what gave me energy and I learned that putting my oxygen mask on first is in the best interest of everyone, especially my children.

I would have never had the strength, patience and desire to be the mother I am if I didn’t practice self care.  I used to tell my children that Mommy was going into “time out” so she could fill up her love cup.  They would giggle and knew that giving me 10 minutes to myself would mean a more energized, happier, playful Mommy.

My children are teenagers now but the practice of self care continues to be a priority to me as well as an example I am setting for them.  As my life has evolved, so has the idea of self care and what I routinely do or don’t do to take care of myself.  Yet it remains an important part of who I am.

Many years after that day at the bowling alley one of the women told me that she’ll never forget how impressed she was that I put my self care at the top of my priority list; she had never given herself permission and after that day she did.

Flying the friendly skies of life is much easier when we put our oxygen mask on first, everyday, not just in emergency situations.

• What does the idea of self care mean to you?  Do you carry the beliefs of past generations or other people in your life regarding self care?

• What are you afraid will happen if you start putting your oxygen mask on first?

• Where are you on your list of priorities?  What one thing can you do this week to move yourself up on the list?

Author bio: Dawn Sinnott been a CPA for 22 years however her life experiences have empowered her to become a divorce recovery life coach.  The interesting thing about Dawn’s story is that she was recovering from her ex-husband’s addiction at the same time she was recovering from her divorce and was able to use the same Spiritual tools to recover from both difficult situations.  Dawn is passionate about sharing her experience, strength and hope with anyone considering divorce, in the midst of divorce or post-divorce and asking “Now what?”  Her message is “If Marriage is a Spiritual Union of two people’s lives, why has divorce become only a Legal Separation?”  In Dawn’s experience the Spiritual Dissolution of her marriage was even more important than the legal dissolution.  The legal dissolution did not help her with the acceptance of my situation. It didn’t help her with fear of the unknown or the changes that were brought about by her divorce.  She believes that divorce can be a catalyst to live a more authentic life with new hope and possibilities; She knows this to be true in her own life and loves empowering people and helping them to see that they’re not alone.

Believe it or not, feeling unhappy and like you’re a victim is a way of feeling alive. It may be a negative emotion, but at least you’re feeling something. And if you get in the habit of this, it becomes a way of being….always finding something to be upset about, hurt by, insulted by, injured from, etc.

One would think that no one would choose to experience pain and drama instead of happiness and peace, but people do. And from my perspective, they choose the pain because it makes them FEEL something….and when they FEEL something, they are able to feel alive.

People who operate like this do not know how to be at peace/happy and feel alive. Being happy feels boring and mundane to them – because there is no drama going on, no intensity, no excitement, and no fevered pitch to their life.

If you or someone you know lives in a state of constant drama, trauma, chaos and suffering, it IS possible to change. It’s not going to happen overnight though. It will take time, and you will have to learn how to enjoy happiness and other positive emotions, to really feel the fullness and excitement that comes with feeling GOOD.

And of course, I’m going to share some first steps with you – the first one is to begin by noticing when you are in the drama, in the pain, in the chaos, and feeling like a victim….just notice (perhaps by saying to yourself, “Oh, here I am again, in the middle of the drama and hurt. Isn’t it interesting that I keep living in this place?”).

By bringing your awareness to the situation, over and over again, you are raising your consciousness around your choices. You are making a mental note of how often this situation occurs in your life.

The second step, after noticing, is to tell yourself, “I can choose differently”. I can choose to be at peace and feel good.” Say this without judgment or criticism….just as you would state a fact. Say it with neutrality, so there is no harsh tone in your voice.

Continue to do these two things: 1) noticing, and 2) commenting on your ability to choose. You WILL see changes beginning to take place….they may be slight at first, and then gradually they will become more significant.

The third step is to recognize when you are feeling good, and really ENJOY how it feels. Allow yourself to recognize the sweetness, the simplicity, the peace, the absence of pain and drama, and begin to identify these positive feelings as desirable, enjoyable, and pleasant.

You can change this dynamic – from being someone who “hurts so good” in order to feel alive, to someone who enjoys and even thrives on feeling great.

Author Bio: Elise Fee is a Consulting Hypnotist and Life Mentor – her business “EliseOnLife” helps clients get a new lease on life. Elise works with clients via private consultations, either in person or over the phone. With a diverse background in business, marketing and teaching, Elise’s many varied life experiences have taught her broader, more expansive ways to view and experience the world and humanity. Be sure to subscribe for free to receive Elise’s blog in your inbox daily.

…there’s gotta be a pony around here somewhere!!

I certainly can’t take credit for this wise, yet humorous saying…but I do enjoy how it speaks directly to the matter. When things appear to be horrible, unbearable, challenging and dark, we have a hard time remembering that there is a pony (a gift) to be found.

In most cases, it takes much passing of time, coupled with reflective hindsight, before we begin to glimpse the benefit or gift that came with the difficulties. But I’m guessing that you’ve experienced this – having a very challenging life experience that you thought was just the worst, only to look back years later and see a true blessing that came along with it.

I’m not saying that the blessing makes the challenge any easier – even with hindsight, the pain can still be present. A good example that I’ve seen over and over is when a parent loses a child to illness or some other calamity. And then that parent becomes an advocate to help others – perhaps raising awareness and funds to combat the disease, or educating parents about safety issues regarding their children.

Out of the pain and trauma, these courageous parents have found the “pony”…and have chosen to channel their energies and emotions into helping others. They chose not to stay mired in the pain and tragedy….and instead created change and took proactive action in honor of their child’s memory.

I’ve heard it said that our scars remind us of where we’ve been, but they don’t have to dictate where we’re going. And so it is that every experience we’ve had in life has helped to mold, shape and even carve us into who we are today. Without those challenging experiences in our lives, we wouldn’t have the strength, the resiliency, the compassion and empathy that we now have.

I just reconnected with some high school friends whom I haven’t talked to in decades. One in particular is going through a tough time in her life…and I reminded her that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel…even when we can’t see it at the moment.

When life seems dark and difficult, it really helps to remember that the light is there….and we WILL come out of the darkness. We will eventually see past the pile of manure….. and remember to look around for the pony.

Elise Fee is a Consulting Hypnotist and Life Mentor – her business “EliseOnLife” helps clients get a new lease on life — http://www.EliseOnLife.com. Elise works with clients via private consultations, either in person or over the phone.

Have you chosen to relax today? I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago, she told me she “needed to relax.” Ah, yes I replied, “so do I.”  And the conversation continued, both of us coming up with the many reasons we needed to relax. Neither of us realizing that relaxation is a choice we can make.

I am constantly working toward meeting some goal I’ve set for myself. You know that list of things to do we all wake up to every morning.  Rarely do I add “relax” to my list! But shouldn’t I? Shouldn’t one of the goals I set for myself daily be to work toward serenity?

After asking myself this question I started doing some research on different relaxation techniques.  I came across an article on meditation but wanted to quickly dismiss it. I have a 101 and one things flying through my mind at any given moment, I didn’t see how attempting to quiet all those thoughts could be the least bit relaxing.

I gave it a shot though and much to my surprise it was easier than I had imagined.  The article called the technique I tried “conscious relaxation.”  You start by paying attention to your breathing…inhale deeply, exhale slowly.

The effort to focus completely on breathing took my mind away from the “mind clutter” and left me feeling calm.  I found that with repeated effort the goal of clearing my mind – to think of nothing, did occur and the process of meditation took on its own energy. The result was, and I guarantee this, peace, serenity, calmness and eventually opening yourself to new insights.