Submitted by guest writer, Jewel R.

This past February marked the four-year anniversary of my divorce.  It also marked my 42nd birthday.  But even though I’d made tremendous strides since divorcing, even though I felt happier and more confident than I had in years,  when I looked in the mirror all I could think was,  ‘blah.’  My skin looked tired, blotchy, and wrinkley; my face didn’t properly match the Inner Me. So I decided to buy myself a gift:  a Pearl Laser Treatment.

What sold me on trying this particular procedure (which basically zaps off the top layer of one’s epidermis) was:

a)  it yielded significant results: ie, it evened out skin tone, reduced fine lines, helped erase sun damage, and gave the overall face a ’lift’ from renewed collagen production

b)  it didn’t involve surgery or too much pain (so I’d heard through a friend)

c) it only required about 4 days of ‘social’ downtown.

Day 1, Treatment Day, 9:30 a.m.

An hour before the procedure, a nurse gave me some pain killers (advil) and applied a topical anesthetic to my face.  Good and numb, I then proceeded to have the laser treatment which took about 30 minutes.  How would I rank the pain?  I’d have to say about a 6 out of ten – ten being the most painful.  I found some parts of my face hurt more than than others – ie, along my hairline, my forehead and my upper lip.  Moreover, after a facial part was treated, there was no denying the slight ‘burning’ sensation that remained in the wake.  The smell of burning skin took a bit of adjusting to as well.

The doctor then covered my face with a protective balm and handed me a mirror.  I basically looked like I had a bad sunburn and had covered my face with vaseline.  I headed out of the clinic wearing a large-brimmed hat to protect me from sun exposure and carrying a skincare case of goodies I was to apply over the next few days.

Later in the Day, Day 1

Though I wasn’t in excrutiating pain by any means, I felt like my face had been severely sunburned.   I was, however, able to find some relief by using the cleanser, oxygen spray and protective balm in my aftercare package and by covering my face with a cold facecloth.  Just after dinner, I could tell I had a fever and was getting the chills.  I decided to block it all out…and went to bed early.

Day 2

Not a particaurly comfy sleep but managable; I didn’t want to lie on my side and press my hot, goopey cheek onto the pillow.  My first glance in the mirror was rather shocking – my face looked crusty and swollen, particularly under my eyes.  My skin, though still reddish, wasn’t as bright red; it had darkened and was hardening as if it were forming a scab.  Up close I could see a honeycomb pattern emerging across my cheeks.  I looked pretty damn scary!  But I felt fine.  I spent the rest of the day hiding in my house.

Day 3

Besides another uncomfortable night’s sleep, I felt totally fine today.  A new itchiness on my face started up in the late afternoon.  But that’s because I’d started peeling.  I kept washing my face with the kit they’d given me cause the doctor had said that would help.  I got the first stirrings of excitement:  the skin underneath, though pretty pink, was as fresh and smooth as that of a baby.

Day 4

I felt like a reptile with all the skin slothing off my face.  But most, if not all of it, came off today. Yes the shedding process was itchy as all hell.  But I was ecstatic with what I saw:  the lines around my eyes were hardly visible and the texture of my skin was smooth and soft.  No more blotchiness either – everything was the same glowing shade of pink.

One Week Later

Though I continued to peel here and there all week and my skin was still more pinkish than normal, I was thrilled with my results.  In addition to the reduced wrinkles around my eyes and evened-out skin tone, the once-giant pores on my cheeks had shrunk to the size of pin-pricks.  A small scar that once grazed the top of my right eye-brow had seemingly diappeared.  I became rather paranoid about sun exposure though cause my new skin will darken and damage easily if I don’t meticulously wear an SPF 30 moisturizer at all times.

One Month Later – Present Day

I feel and look fanastic!.  Countless friends and colleagues have commented on how beauitful my skin looks, some even asked if I’d started using a new makeup line or found myself a new, hot lover (blush!).  I feel younger, more glowing, and like my face now properly represents how I feel INSIDE. I recommend this procedure  with a five-star ranking and hope my sharing my experience is of use to other divorcing women out there; I wish I’d gifted myself with it sooner!

Jewel R. is a divorced single mom of two teenagers who lives in Canada.  She highly recommends you stock up on movies, books, and chocolate almonds for the downtime following this prcedure.

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Do You Have The Discipline It Takes To Look Good Naked?

One of my rules to live by?

Don’t make major decisions under stress or duress. And post-divorce life certainly qualifies on both counts. When I was newly single again, I realized that I wanted a new look for a new life, but I wasn’t sure what that might be. I did know that I should take my time, that I was vulnerable, and needed to ease into a brighter, shinier, different me.

What did I do?

I grew my hair. I went to a sexier, slightly artier style. I changed my glasses, my perfume, and took up some healthier habits I had let go by the wayside. I also treated myself (over time) to very fine lingerie – and to be worn every day, not just for special occasions.

What might suit you?

If it’s been six months, a year, two years since you’ve re-embarked on the single life, chances are you’re pondering possibilities a-plenty, or already have. They range from the symbolic (a new perfume or replacement ring) to the exotic (relocating to another country) to the more sensational – like cosmetic surgery. But does the Big D really necessitate Double D’s? Is it the time for extreme measures, if you have inner work to focus on along with a desired update to your appearance and personal style?

If you’re looking to shake things up a bit, consider options beyond the surgeon’s knife. Am I saying not to go for the tightened abs or naughty knockers? Not at all. But health and well-being are fundamental; self-esteem is built on more than a surgically altered outer skin.

Mini Makeovers:

Many of us want – and need – a post-divorce makeover. For ourselves, to encourage new attitudes and potentially new friends. We may be starting out on new career paths, as well as looking to re-enter the dating waters. We’re often more motivated to take risks, to spread our wings, and a makeover may help us do the trick.

I love mini-makeovers, when it comes to personal appearance or style, as well as for my wardrobe and my surroundings. Naturally – we all have financial, professional, and parental responsibilities that form the framework for what is reasonable. So here are some suggestions to add a touch of style to your single smile, and just in time for Spring!

Mini Makeover Suggestions:

Day spa

If a day spa is handy – treat yourself! You’ll feel like royalty after a little bit of pampering. And if it’s not in the budget (or you can’t get a babysitter), do-it-yourself spa time is very affordable, and schedule it for when you have an hour to yourself. Try an herbal tea facial (steam and one tea bag), or a few bath products you can pick up at the local supermarket or superstore. Then light some candles for ambiance, soak in your tub, and unwind.

Hair

Drab color? A little bit of gray? Just bored with what you’ve got? Chat with your hairdresser about a new style, a weave or extensions, or a new color. Switch it up – go red, go blonde, go sultry brunette! Nothing lightens your mood or changes your look quite so much as a dramatic hair makeover.

Makeup

A touch of brightening goes a long way on most women, and if you haven’t changed your makeup style since shoulder pads were the rage on Dallas, you’re certainly overdue. And that doesn’t mean you should overdo it. (Do you really want to resemble the makeup messes à la Real Housewives of Orange County?)

Head to the nearest department store where you can try any number of products – and have fun doing it. The older you are, the more a light touch will let you shine. Have a makeup artist show you how to apply products, and suggest the right ones for your skin and your lifestyle. And you’ll need a new look to go with the new hair!

Perfume

Do you associate your perfume with your ex? Or has it been some years since you’ve tried something new? Our sense of smell is powerfully linked to memory, and fragrance is incredibly seductive. That department store where you’re having your makeup done? Don’t forget to stop at the perfume counter. Dab a little on each wrist. Take some samples home to try at different times. Enjoy choosing just the right one, and imagine leaving a new fragrance lingering on a gentleman’s pillow.

Wardrobe makeover

While many may lecture on the pros and cons of dressing your age, my personal feeling is you should dress to please yourself. But ask a friend his or her opinion if you’re really uncertain, and use a proper mirror when you’re trying on new clothes, a new style, or a new color scheme. Do remember that professional attire is one thing (be suitable for your workplace), but when it comes to socializing, why not cut loose a little?

Whatever you do – I strongly recommend you treat yourself to beautiful lingerie that fits properly. Wear it for you – and enjoy how deserving you feel.

Smile

If you’re going to invest money in maintenance, there’s nothing so wonderful as a lovely, healthy smile. Does that mean blindingly white choppers or veneers? Not unless you’re headed to Hollywood. More likely, it’s as simple as regular visits to your dentist, whitening strips on occasion, and remembering the warmth and welcome that a smile exudes.

Makeovers on a Budget:

Like most of us, I live on a budget. I have a few classic, quality staples in my wardrobe, in blacks, neutrals, and jolts of color (reds and purples). A few pieces of bold jewelry, a variety of scarves (like French women), and I admit – way too many shoes!

Did I mention the importance of a gorgeous pair of heels? They don’t have to be four-inchers (though if you can pull it off, why not?); I’m all for comfort, and even a low heel for a high time is elegant when you go out.

The point in all this?

You need to take some risks. Try new things and get outside your comfort zone. Does that mean you can’t date until you lose 30 pounds, fill your forehead with Botox, or drop five figures for the combo tummy tuck, face lift and breast implants? Of course not.

If you feel that you must have cosmetic surgery to compete in the dating market, I hope you take the time to get to know yourself first, and be realistic about far less invasive and expensive alternatives.

But if you’ve always wanted those bodacious tah-tahs, or any other procedure, then do your homework, line up your resources, and keep in mind that there is no panacea for heartache, and no magic path to loving or being loved again.

Be healthy, be financially responsible, and enjoy refashioning your single life. It’s really all about you – your choices, your confidence, and feeling recharged and renewed.

© D A Wolf

These days, Big Little Wolf (”Ms. Big”) reflects on life and her Daily Plate of Crazy, where she writes essays on everything – sometimes serious, sometimes fun – whatever strikes her on a given day as interesting, unusual, entertaining, or of concern.

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Submitted by Me & My Evil Twin

Sitting in the medical spa waiting room, I flipped through a magazine without seeing a word.  My brain was wrought with worry:  what if it hurt?  What if I passed out? What if my face ended up looking so frozen, people referred to me as the Botox Queen?

The receptionist handed me a clipboard full of papers, jarring me out of my head.  ”You need to read through these,” she said sweetly.  “These are some of the complications you may experience.  Please make sure you sign every page at the bottom, then give it back to me.”

“Sure,” I said too brightly.   I quickly browsed through the list, horror stories from TV flashing through my head, then quickly scribbled out a few signatures before I lost my courage.

I always swore I’d never be one of ‘those’ women.  You know – the ones whose vanity was so great, they succumbed to getting needles in their face to paralyze their muscles.  The mere idea of the procedure shocked me.  Horrified me.  I even felt sorry for women who were that ‘desperate.’  I was going to grow old gracefully and love and accept every wrinkle…

Yet there I was, about to hand the future state of my facial muscles over to a stranger with a needle.  Had I lost my mind? you ask.  Well…kind of – I was going through a divorce.

I’d always had an ‘animated’ face.  A face that should have been in theatre.  My real emotions were always visible ‘somewhere’ in the plethora of lines and muscles across my skull.  By the time I hit thirty, my crowsfeet had become a source of  insecurity.  And sometimes I’d stare at other women my age with their eye sockets so creamy smooth, and long to see their reflection in the mirror, not mine.

My decision to try botox had arrived a few weeks earlier – while in this same medical spa, in fact.  I was having the veins on my legs injected, something I’d never done before either.  But two pregnancies with 50 lbs plus of weight gain during each had splattered purple spider veins all over my thighs.  It was at the end of this treatment when I heard the doctor say:  “Hun, have you ever considered doing botox?”

Immediately I looked down to hide both my eyes and feelings of insecurity.   My lines must be really bad if a doctor is actually recommending it, I thought.

“You have absolutely gorgeous eyes,” she continued.  “And I’m not trying to make you self-conscious.  But if you take care of them now, your lines will completely disappear in ten years.”  Suddenly, she grabbed a hand mirror and held it in front of my face.  She gently molded the skin around my eyes into a saggy, puffy pouch.   “If you don’t, this is what you’ll look like in ten years.  And as long as you’re OK with that, then that’s all that matters.”

But what I saw in that mirror haunted me thereafter.  I already felt tired and old from the stress and despair of my separation;  I didn’t want to LOOK old and exhausted, too.

“Lynn?”  I heard, looking up to see the doctor standing there with my file.  “Please come with me.”

I leaped up and followed her, grateful that she hadn’t announced to the waiting room, “Ready for your botox, Lynn?”

As soon as she shut the door, I started babbling like a wimp about how scared I was.  But she reassured me that my feelings were totally normal; that she’d only had one minor complication in seven years; that she even did her injections on herself; and that the entire treatment would seem like nothing compared to getting my leg veins injected.

“Smile for me, hun,” she said as she studied my face and dotted spots around my eyes with a marker.  Her body language was relaxed as she continued chatting with me and filled syringes over at the counter.  Then it was time.  She pinched my skin around my eyes and in went the needle.  I stiffened, felt a slight sting, then  heard, “How was that?  Not too bad eh?”

“Not bad at all,” I answered honestly.

Onward she went.  A few more injections strategically placed around my eyes…then, the same points were injected on my other eye.   “And we’re done!” she announced, walked back over to the counter.

“That’s it?”  I replied surprise apparent.  That was WAY too easy!

“Yup.  You’re gonna love your results Lynn, I just know it.  Just make sure you smile every five minutes for the next hour, and no exercising.  And no lying down for at least six hours, k?”

Later driving home, my face felt funny but not uncomfortable.  I smiled every two minutes instead of five, praying my body accepted the botox and didn’t start spazzing out on me somehow.  I knew I wouldn’t see full results for the next seven to ten days…but looking up in rear-view mirror, I already noticed that some lines weren’t activating.

I did love the results, just as the doctor had predicted.  In no way did I look  ‘frozen’ - I’d literally just stopped the deep canals from highlighting my eyes when I smiled.  I thought I looked younger than I had in five years…and in some wonderful way, my new look made me FEEL younger; a bit brighter too.

Of course botox can’t solve any of our life problems as we go through a divorce.  But as far as I’m concerned there’s something to be said for a confidence boost – a little gift for the New Me under Construction.

Me & My Evil Twin

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File this under “sad but true”: The first signs of aging—crow’s-feet—show up earlier than we ever realized. In happier news, the right eye cream can make all the difference. It has been years since those first fines lines around the eyes or crows feet started showing on my face. Not being a fan of needles Botox was out of the question. Not being one with a lot if discretionary income I gave no thought at all to cosmetic surgery. No facelifts for the girl! I did however go on a quest for an eye cream that would slow down the signs of aging. Maybe even a cream that would reverse what I had come by honestly….crow’s feet, laugh lines, a furrowed brow.

I look back and realize there were a two things I did that caused the early appearance of crow’s feet.

• Exposure to the sun – as we know, the sun’s UV rays are the foremost damaging element on the skin. Prolonged exposure to the sun makes the skin lose its elasticity and firmness. As a young woman I was a sun worshiper. I lived on the Gulf Coast and took full advantage of any opporutnity to “soak up some rays.” Imagine the skin damage to a strawberry blonde!

• Squinting – this undesirable facial expression aggravates crows feet. I always had vision problems and enough vanity to get in the way of wearing proper eyewear. My early years were spent squinting and I’m paying now.

Avoiding these major wrinkle causing factors can spare you those lines around the eyes. At least for a few years. You may also seek relief from the best wrinkle creams on the market. Something I’ve been on a quest to find. Over the last decade I’ve tried dozens below are, in my opinion the best you can buy.

1. Garnier
This new roll-on is so hyped that it even has a waiting list. It’s easy to store in your handbag for last-minute fixes, and the cream is tinted, so acts a concealer while it gets to work. It is by far my favorite. Not only does it work to keep wrinkles away, it repairs wrinkles that have already formed. I LOVE this stuff but don’t tell anyone. The moment word is out, they will take it off the market!

2. Origins
Hide hangovers with ‘GinZing’, a perky cream containing ginseng for radiance and caffeine to give you a bit of a buzz. It’ll erase evidence of any late-night shenanigans.

3. Nivea Visage
Nivea’s Q10 co-enzyme has been busting saggy bums for over 10 years; the eye version is just as effective, reducing puffiness and soothing dry, sensitive skin.

4. Roc
French ladies are never wrong, and this best seller has quite a following on the Continent. Its simple, hydrating formula contains ‘silk pearl’ light reflectors for an immediate boost to tired skin.

5. Dermalogica
The cognoscenti’s skincare of choice, ‘Total Eye Care’ is up there with the Fountain of Youth. It tightens skin, reduces bags and puffiness, smooths lines and moisturises sore bits. Although meant for older skin, it’s also good for soothing dryness or irritation.

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Do You Have the Discipline it Takes to Look Good Naked?

Haven’t you heard?  We’re supposed to be as pretty and symmetrical as a text-book drawing.  Are you a little one-sided?  Stretched out?  Perhaps a little dangly?  Well welcome the labioplasto – a delightful flesh-carving procedure that ‘re-sculpts’ your labia.  Now you can lie back and spread your legs for any man with pride. 

Vagina too big?  Saggy?  Wrinkly?  Tsk tsk, you childbearing women.  Welcome the vaginoplasti, a totally invasive way of removing some of that vaginal tissue. To heck with kegels – don’t bother strengthening your muscles back into shape the natural way.  You should be smaller and tighter damn it - small enough for even the teesiest of penises.

Now…about your G-spot orgasm.  (If you’re one of the lucky 25% of women who have them.)   Apparently you need a bit more umph!  How about some collagen injected into your G-spot.  What’s that?  True…there isn’t such a thing as actual G-‘spot’.  But that cluster of glands around the urethra?  That target zone is good enough – this shot will make it BIGGER.  How long does it last?  Three months.  Yes, only three months.  But it’ll be oh so worth the major explosion it causes.

Risks, smisks, why be so serious?  Don’t you want to have the perfect looking/feeling pussy?  Don’t you want to satisfy your man and prevent any nightmares of being swallowed by a gigantic vagina?

Alright.  So there’s one major one – the possibility of having pain and numbness for the rest of your life.  But so what.  Don’t you want to look and feel ‘perfect’ for your man?  It’s just your vagina hun, one of the most sacred, beautiful, SENSITIVE parts of your body…

Run away hun.  Run away fast.  Any man who has issues with your vagina should take a peek at his own tackle and begin ‘enhancing’ and ‘rejuvenating’  there.  Be happy with what you’ve got.  You’re vagina is perfectly perfect the way it is; they come in every size, shape and texture under the sun, you just don’t know it cause us women don’t whip it out at urinals and compare ours to the person next to us. 

Delaine

www.iamdivorcednotdead.com