Divorce Recovery: Beware Expectations

Submitted by Divorce Coach Shelley Stile In a nutshell, expectations are premeditated resentments and disappointments. They are self-sabotaging beliefs we hold that literally set us up to feel bad and keep us stuck in the pain of our divorce. They are in direct conflict with how the world actually works and are based on the [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Even my Faith isn’t appeasing the pain

Question: Dear Shelley, My wife left me saying she isn’t in love with me anymore and is filing for a divorce. I came home one day and she’d moved her stuff out of the house while I was gone. She doesn’t have a new man, she just wants out. She is living with her daughter. [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach:My wife abused me yet I can’t let go

Question: Hi Shelley, My wife and I have separated.  I don’t understand why I’m finding it so difficult to let go of the marriage cause she was both physically and emotionally abusive towards me.  Why do I keep making excuses for her?  Why do I blame myself for that abuse?  I have met someone really [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Move on? Let Go? Pfft. Yeah, right.

Question: Dear Shelley, “Moving on” and “letting go”.  These are the two phrases I HATE the most. My ex revealed his affair in July of ’09. I filed for divorce in August and he moved in with his girlfriend. We were married nine years and have two kids. His girlfriend just gave birth to their [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Wanting to write a letter to the in-laws

Question: Dear Shelley, I feel a great need and desire to write a letter to my ex’s family. We were married for 27 years and they were my family for longer than that.  My ex-husband had an affair and left my 16-year-old son and I. We have both remarried but my ex has no relationship [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Where is HIS Bad Karma?

Question: Dear Shelley, I broke up with a man five months ago whom I was with for six years. Two months after we broke up he was engaged to another woman and didn’t even bother telling me. It became apparent to me that he was with this woman when we were together but I didn’t [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: “I Didn’t See It Coming”

Question: Dear Shelley: After 24 years of marriage, my husband moved out last week, told me he wants to be free and NEVER loved me.  My friends are ignoring me and my children are on his side.  I work full time and have not told anyone at my job yet.  I am not sleeping well [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Conflicting Feelings

Question: Dear Shelley, I have been separated since May and find myself on a roller coaster of emotions every day. I have far too much contact with my ex (my choice) and it pains me to see him happy. I was blindsided with the separation and love him dearly. I know I am being destructive [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: No Longer Connected

Question: Dear Shelley, I have been married for four years. It is my first marriage and his second.  He continually says things to me like, “this ship has sailed”, “you and I don’t connect at all” and “our marriage is failing 100% because of you.”  So I tell him I want to work out an [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: “I Allowed His Verbal Abuse”

Question: Dear Shelley: I got divorced on September 11, 2009.   I allowed this man to verbally abuse me throughout our marriage.  Moreover, he didn’t even talk to my daughter and grandchildren for 10 years.  I couldn’t wash his clothes good enough, wash dishes good enough, nor cook right.  I found out too late he treated [...]

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