Ten short months after Sandra Bullock learned she was married to a serial adulterer he, Jesse James is “in love” and engaged to be married to Kat Von D.

Jesse moved on quickly…or did he? Could be Jesse is following a pattern not uncommon to many who go through a divorce. Could be Kat Von D is nothing more than a distraction from Jesse facing Jesse.

You can call it a rebound relationship or an innate inability to learn from adversity, one thing is for sure, Jesse may walk on two legs but he behaves like something that crawls on its belly.

Too harsh? Sorry but I call it as I see it and this man is angry and in my opinion is striking out at Sandra Bullock and Kat doesn’t have enough sense to realize she is being used as a battering ram for the ex-wife.

Jesse told the magazine, “2010 was actually the best year of my life because I fell in love with my best friend. An amazing woman who stood behind me when the world turned their backs.”

Hopefully Sandra no longer cares but if there are still feelings for him that remark stung which is exactly what he intended. Why would he make of point of pointing out that Kat “stood behind me when the world turned their back” if he weren’t attempting to send the last woman he was involved with a message?

In Jesse’s mind if Sandra had loved him she would have stood by him. Typical thinking and belief system of a cheater or abuser. You call them out and hold them responsible, you are the bad guy. Jesse went to sex rehab, professed his regret on television and Sandra divorced him. In his twisted brain if she had “loved” him she would have “stood by him.”

It also keeps him from having to accept true responsibility for his bad behavior and dismissal of the feelings of his wife. This man is still very much in love with Sandra BUT the pain of admitting to himself that he deserved exactly what Sandra gave him outweighs doing what he would have to do for Sandra to ever trust him again.

James began professing his love for Von D on Twitter earlier this month, writing on Jan. 9: “I have Never Felt so Loved! I’m The Luckiest (man) in the World!”

Never? Really?  A great thing to say if you want to dismiss or belittle the feelings of someone who has hurt you and in Jesse’s mind, Sandra hurt him by not standing by him. What could be his motive for wanting to belittle the love Sandra had for him? Because doing so makes it easier for him to not feel bad about the hurt he caused not only Sandra but his children.

This man is not only tattooed, he is twisted. The good news for Jesse, so is Kat Von D so what we are seeing here could turn out to be a match made in heaven. They’ll either last forever or go down in flames together…my money is on flames.

Three weeks ago,unknown and unsigned singer Christina Perri was working as a waitress in a Philadelphia cafe.  But by chance – or perhaps grand design  - a song she wrote called Jar of Hearts,  landed in the hands of  Stacey Tookey, a choreographer for So You Think You Can Dance.  Virtually overnight, Christina’s life has become a whirlwind of incredible change as record labels race to sign her and Jar of Hearts climbs into the top 5 on I-Tunes.

So what’s so special about Christina’s song?  One word:  everything.  The lyrics, the melody, and her raspy voice are beautifully haunting.  There’s no denying the ‘rawness’ too - Christina wrote it only six months ago to help cleanse herself of a man who dumped her, then suddenly decided he wanted her “one more time.”   

And so I’m sharing it with you today – for it speaks to all of us who feel “half-alive”, who have loved and lost, and who struggle to be courageous in the face of relationships that are no good for us.  

Here she is, live, in a recording studio.  I like this version even more.

Amelia – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

Other Articles:

May There Be Angels Beneath The Support Beams of my Life

Turning The Kids Against The Ex

When An Ex Won’t Let Go

Some in the media are trying to second guess Oksana’s reasons for not filing a domestic abuse charge at the time of the incident. Some people find it quite curious that a woman would not call the police and even more curious that she has now chosen to release the disturbing tapes of Gibson’s tirade.

Those second guessing her motives are doing so because they have never been in the shoes of an abused person. Why didn’t Oksana call the police in January when the abuse took place? I can’t speak for her but I can speak for other women who’ve been in the same situation and there are a number of reasons a woman does not call the police.

• Love
• Fear
• Shame
• Low Self-esteem
• Finances

Only Oksana knows why she didn’t call the police. The sad fact is that her reaction to his abuse is not abnormal.

Why has she now released the tapes?

More than likely she has realized what she is up against in a custody battle with Mel Gibson. Oksana had filed a restraining order asking for temporary custody of their child. Whether she gets what she requests from the courts is up to a Family Court Judge.

If you’ve been in Family Court you know that a judge has great discretion when handing down an order. Unless you can prove that your child is in danger a judge will more than likely not deny a mother or father access to the child.

From what I’ve heard on the tapes I’m of the opinion that Mel Gibson isn’t fit, at this time to parent any child. For Oksana to prove that he is a danger to not only her and himself but the child also she had to prove to a judge that the situations was extreme.

Releasing the tapes has done that. This is a mother tying to protect her child. Not a woman trying to extort money as some have suggested. She is battling an emotionally fragile man who is wealthy and well known. Her chances of protecting her child via the Family Court System were small when going up against Mel Gibson.

If you’ve been there you know what I’m talking about. In Family Court the person with the money, the one who can hire the expensive divorce attorney prevails in court. In her shoes I would have released the tapes also. He has money but she has something far more damaging.

In this case you have the Family Court System and the court of public opinion. The outrage over the Gibson tapes will influence how a judge rules in this case. Mel may have money and status but he can’t go up against the Family Court System AND the court of public opinion.

I imagine Oksana knew this and to protect her child has used it in her favor. I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same.

More Articles:

Growing Up and Growing Apart I

Growing Up and Growing Apart II

Parental Alienation: Turning the Kids Against the Ex

Imagine: you’re on Facebook and you see that one of your friends has changed their relationship status from ‘married’ to ‘single.’ It’s always complicated to let people know about your divorce, and Facebook gives you a way (for better or worse) to let everyone know. Isn’t that easy?

Think about how easy it is to put information on Facebook, transmit it, and show it off to everyone you know (or everyone with eyes and a computer, depending on your privacy settings.) Social networking sites, like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and even World of Warcraft are becoming the new way through which divorces often start and gather momentum.

Photos, updates, and posts provide very concrete evidence of what you are doing, and the fact that you’re showing it off to the world may cause some pain to your spouse if you are the leave-er and he or she is the leave-ee. Privacy is important in protecting the other person’s dignity – and there can be hell to pay when you hurt someone more than you have to.

Technology is redefining our lives and so it is with online social networking. Self disclosure in cyberspace is now being used as evidence in some divorce cases as proof that one spouse is at fault, lying, or less fit to be taking care of the kids.

According to an article in USA today, research by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers conveys that, over the last five years, 81% of divorce lawyers have either utilized or encountered evidence from social networking sites. Facebook is the most cited, appearing in 66% of cases using subpoenaed Internet evidence.

Now, the problem here is not the sites themselves. Marriages break up for the most ancient of reasons, power struggles, lack of kindness, loss of love, hurt, money problems, infidelity and the like. The Internet doesn’t cause marital problems (people do) but it can make matters worse.

Infidelity is without doubt, easier because of the sheer access to so many potential lovers. Gambling takes on new forms (like a poker addiction) found in one’s living room computer. But anonymity is not what one likes to think, because the Internet also makes it easier for the offending spouse to get caught.

The double life you try to lead on the Internet might just come back to haunt you. Lawyers know how to find information you’ve posted on social networking sites that you thought had been kept hidden. Sage advice: Like driving a car, it is a good idea to know about the power of technology before using it and finding yourself in trouble.

© mark banschick

Mark R. Banschick, M.D. is a diplomat of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology with over 20 years of experience in child and adolescent psychiatry. The Intelligent Divorce course evolved from his work as an expert witness in custody disputes. Dr. Banschick has appeared on the CBS Early Show and has been quoted in The New York Times, The Huffington Post and firstwivesworld.com.

Dr. Mark Banschick’s book, The Intelligent Divorce is a powerful and inspirational self guided resource that will change your life and the lives of your children.  Order your copy today!

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More Articles:

Why Some Men Cheat

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Mel Gibson has outdone himself and the only “Leathal Weapon” around seems to be his mouth. The Gibson, who came under fire in 2006 for anti-Semitic remarks, had a few choice words former girlfriend Oksana Grigoriev according to RadarOnline.com. The bad news for Mel? Oksana was recording the tirade.

What was said? See below but be warned, it isn’t censored and it isn’t pleasant.

• “You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of ni**ers, it will be your fault.”
• “You’re an embarrassment to me.”
• “How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so fucking nice?”
• “I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first.”
• “Look what you did to me… look what you are… look what every part of you is… fucking fake… fucking fake.
• “You are the most synthetic person… who the fuck are you?”
• “This is my last message. I might be the father… Well, fuck you… You psycho cunt…Because I don’t care.”
• “Do you understand me? I’m done.”

Since Mel and Oksana split it has been tit for tat when it comes to claims of bad behavior. Mel has said that Okasana was violent with the baby…shaking the 10 month old during an argument the two had.

Oksana has said Mel punched her in the face, breaking teeth and giving her a concussion.

Oksana has claimed that Mel wasn’t paying child support leaving her to live on credit cards and borrow money from friends.

Mel has said he pays the appropriate amount of child support and put her up in a multi-million dollar home all while she was refusing to allow him to see his daughter.

Both were in court today, Oksana requesting a restraining order to keep Mel away from her and the child. Mel requesting an order that no further tapes me released to the press.

Let’s look at the situation from Oksana’s perspective. If her allegation of domestic abuse is true then I understand her concern about Gibson having anything but supervised visitation with their child. Was she motivated to tape his abusive tirade out of fear that, that would be the only way she could prove in court that he is dangerous?

How about Mel’s perspective? The man has proven himself to be an anti-Semite, racist, misogynistic fool. Even the worst kind of fool can love their child and maybe this recent rage was prompted by her trying to keep him away from his child.

I know from experience that someone interfering in your relationship with your child is infuriating. I also know from experience that who we are, our character and belief system determines how we respond to such a situation.

If this recent tirade by Mel is in response to Oksana blocking access to his child it says one thing, the man lacks character. There is no “Braveheart” there!

More Articles:

Good for You Sandra Bullock!

Tiger Woods “R” Us

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Al and Tipper Gore to Divorce

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, by now you’ve heard the term gray divorce, likely in conjunction with the news that Al and Tipper Gore are splitting up after 40 years.

Of course, the original announcement was followed by a claim that Al Gore’s marital defection was in fact the result of an affair, with denials coming fast and furious. As I continue to read related articles, I find myself shaking my head at those who are (foolishly) leaving marriages at 55 or 60 or older, whatever the reason.

Did I really say foolishly?

You bet I did. Whether you believe that leaving a 40-year marriage is necessary following infidelity or for any number of other motivations, Al and Tipper Gore hardly represent the norm when it comes to calling it quits on wedded non-bliss.

Or are they like the rest of us in more ways than we realize?

Love in ruins?

Is it all about boredom? The grinding of teeth? Never putting down the toilet seat?

Whatever the reason, dismantling a long-term marriage is no small thing, and if the husband leaves, often the female partner finds herself ill-equipped for re-entry in the single world. Depending on age and finances, making her way in her 50s, 60s, or beyond may prove daunting, especially if divorce is long, expensive, and contentious.

So what about those habits that drive you nuts? If you stuck it out for 30 years, should you – for 20 more?

Call me crazy, but I’m particularly surprised when couples mutually agree to split at 50 or older. I wonder why they don’t stay married and do as they please, especially if children are no longer in the picture. Why go through the drama of divorce at all?

The desire for fire

For women – if you have money for “maintenance,” you may be fine. If another relationship is of no interest, likewise. But if you’d like a compatible partner after 50 or 60 or older, think again. You’ve got a tough road ahead.

And gentlemen – if you believe women don’t still want sex at that age, consider this: Freed from the worries of pregnancy, some of us want it more as we mature. We’ve got plenty of desire to go around. What we don’t have plenty of is partners.

Trending?

The Village Voice is now crediting the Al and Tipper Gore split for a rash of recent “old people divorces” – citing such causes as general unhappiness, emotional distance, and the typical irritations of, well. . . decades of irritations.

According to the article, it’s the women who are predominantly initiating divorce, a position which is backed up by yet more references elaborating the benefits of marriage for men, and how “marriage sucks for women.”

Stay? Go? One last chance?

So what do we conclude? Have Al and Tipper started a trend, or are they the graying poster children for the Baby Boomers doing what they do – chasing impossible dreams – still?

While I don’t believe that anyone should “settle” for unhappiness, I have my doubts about contradictory data – women as more financially stable than ever before (in what demographics?), men marrying wealthier women (I have the same question), all the while anecdotal evidence persists that men shy away when women are too self-sufficient.*

So I repeat: Where does that leave men and women in our dotage? Better off single, married, or divorced?

Revisiting data

I wonder what the statistics will reveal in five years time. Will older divorcing couples be more content? More accomplished? Or disappointed? Will they be adding to the burdens of their adult children? The health care system? Or will “all of us old people” be happily hooking up on Craig’s List?

Maybe if you’re Al or Tipper Gore, or Helen Mirren (also mentioned in the Village Voice article), then go for it. In Mirren’s case, you’ve got talent and beauty on your side. As for the Gores, you’ve got resources and celebrity, which means access to whatever you might desire to enhance your marketability.

And the rest of us?

I’m all for freedom and chasing the dream, but this doesn’t strike me as a promising trend, if indeed it is one. If we still believe in Make Love Not War, then why bother with the legalities?

© D A Wolf

These days, Big Little Wolf (”Ms. Big”) reflects on life and her Daily Plate of Crazy, where she writes essays on everything – sometimes serious, sometimes fun – whatever strikes her on a given day as interesting, unusual, entertaining, or of concern.

More Articles:

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In Defense of Dads Who Leave

Husband Left to go “Find Himself”

It was the USA and England today in the World Cup. The Game ended in a 1-1 tie thanks to Clint Dempsey of team USA.

Some are calling it a goalkeeping blunder; I’ll call it an honest mistake.  England was up by one goal when Robert Green, in the 40^th minute of the game let a ball slide right off his hands and into the net. Score USA!

It was Clint Dempsey who made that end of the game goal for the USA.  Opinion is, the only reason Dempsey made a goal is because Green made such a  “blundering” mistake. I disagree. The only reason the ball got past Green was because Dempsey kicked the hell out of it.

Good news is, the USA was not expected to win against England. They tied and that means they are still in the driver’s seat.  Those boys are still in for the ride.

Did you watch USA-England? What did you think of Dempsey’s shot and Green’s mistake?

For your viewing pleasure, the fella that got it past Green…

Name: Clint Dempsey

Position: Midfielder

Current club: Fulham (ENG)

World Cup Team: USA

More World Cup Eye Candy

Mikkel Beckmann

I have no interest in soccer. Not, that is until World Cup time. Every four years my disinterest comes out of hibernation and I’m all about soccer. Or, all about soccer players.

Starting today there will be 32 teams…boys in shorts, competing in the World Cup. I can’t think of a better reason to tune in and enjoy the view.

Sure, there are other reasons to watch the World Cup. There is…

Lots of drama,

Lots of emotion,

Lots of intense play,

Lots of pointless nationalism,

And lots of flag waving

For me it is all about the “eye candy.” And in honor of all those delicious soccer players who will entertain me over the next month DWO will be posting our “World Cup Daily Eye Candy.” Our solute to the game and the guys who play.

For your viewing pleasure…

Name: Mikkel Beckmann

Team: Randers (Denmark)

What we like about him: It is all in the smile!

Should I wait to date until my divorce is final?

That is a question I hear often. As far as I’m concerned adults can deal with their dating life in anyway they see fit. BUT I do feel strongly that much thought should be put into whether or not dating is something you want to add to the stress and emotion of divorce.

We are all human and what better comfort during a stressful time than the attention and affection of a member of the opposite sex? I had a friend tell me that the best way to get over my ex would be to get under someone else. An attractive thought but my divorce was so adversarial I shudder to think what my ex would have done once a third party became involved.

And that is what you have to think about if you date before the ink is dry on those divorce court orders. How is your soon to be ex going to respond and do you want to introduce an innocent person into what is and could become a more stressful situation.

There is always the possibility of ending up in Gabrielle Union’s position.  Gabrielle is currently dating Miami Heat‘s Dwayne Wade has been thrown into the middle of the NBA stars divorce to Siohvaughn Wade. TMZ is reporting that Siohvaughn Wade is suing Gabrielle for $50,000 in damages caused by emotional distress on behalf of the couples’ two sons, Zaire, 8, and Zion, 2.

According to the Chicago Sun Times, Siohvaughn is a claiming that Gabrielle “engaged in sexual foreplay with Dwyane Wade” in front of the two boys while they were on an unsupervised visit with their father. Wade has spoken out about allegations, saying,

“I am shocked that Siohvaughn has brought this baseless and meritless lawsuit in the name of our children against Gabrielle Union. I am deeply saddened and disappointed that Siohvaughn has used our sons once again as pawns and is now lashing out at Gabrielle, who is an innocent party. It is clear that this is a desperate attempt to retaliate against me for seeking sole custody of our children and requesting that the court have her undergo a psychiatric examination.”

There is a slew of additional allegations in the suit, including neglect, the suit claims Wade introduced Union to the boys and said, “that is why your mom and I are going to divorce.”

Wade, now 28, had been with Siohvaughn since the age of 15.

OK, so not many of us aren’t going to be sued for $50,000. Few of us are going to date an NBA star but there are a lot of crazy, soon to be exes out there so why take chances?

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We all know the latest…Sandra Bullock has filed for a divorce and adopted a baby. What about Jessie though, what do you suppose that cad things about all this?

Below is a statement released by Jessie James after the People Magazine interview with Sandra.

What do you think, a man repentant or a man pretending?

“My whole life has been full of hard decisions. The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest. The love I have for Louis cannot be put to words. Not having him around to love and to hold has left a huge hole in my heart. Sandy is the love of my life, but considering the pain and devastation I have caused her, it would be selfish to not let her go. Right now it is time for me to beat this addiction that has taken two of the things I love the most in life,” James said.

“I have always taken great pride in proving people wrong. That time has come once again to show that I am not what everyone says I am. I know in my heart that I can be the best father possible to my four children, and the mate Sandy deserves, and realize that this is an incredible mountain to climb. But I believe that the steps I have taken in the last 30 days (sex rehab) are the foundation for making this happen. The lifelong commitment I am making is what being a real husband and father is all about. I ask that you please do not judge Sandy for the things I have done. She has done no wrong. She played no part in any of this. She has been an amazing wife, mother, and best friend, for the over 6 years we have been together.”

This says it all to me, “The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest.”

Let? He is going to “let” his wife divorce him? These are the words of a man who thinks he is in control of everything…except of course his ability to be faithful. Some news for you Jessie, she could divorce you whether you “let” her or not.

On the other hand, you didn’t have to agree to her following through with the adoption of Louis Bardo on her own. You could have fought for the right to parent the child. One has to wonder what your motive is for not fighting for those rights.

If you gave up your parental rights to Louis in hopes of garnering favor with Sandra Bullock you may have made a mistake. All you’ve done is show her you are willing to give up your son. Not exactly the route to take if you want to show what kind of man you are.

Not many women are going to put much faith and trust in a man who gives up parental rights to a child, regardless of the circumstances. My personal opinion…you want Sandra Bullock to respect you, fight like hell and show her that you may have made mistakes but you aren’t a man who will turn his back on his child.

Now that is a man who earns respect!

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