Then it turns out that she spends the night with the girlfriend who still remained single because there is no other solution. They either go to conquer into the night, or may go to the movies, but whatever the program may be the end is always the same, it is guaranteed that next morning she wakes up alone in bed…
In fact, it is natural that we don’t want to be alone and also that always those things hurt most in life, which are missing. If we don’t have a job that causes the pain, if we are sick we pray to recover as soon as possible, if there is a broken pipe and we have no running water for three days, we pray for not having to take a shower again at our friend’s in another district, if there is no love in our lives, the passion and the lack of the feeling of belonging to someone troubles our soul. It is useful to see that not only singles have problems, isn’t it…???

But still this lack is the most painful of all… What is the mystery of love that keeps us all detained, and without which life seems so mechanical and lifeless? And how is it possible that life immediately becomes rose scented, a rainbow appears in the sky and the warm feeling in our hearts helps to endure the unbearable, to survive the unsurvivable?
Frankly, I don’t have the faintest idea. Since people existed they have been trying to put their thoughts into words about the feeling, in vain…

Sometimes I’m pondering about how much is missed during such a miserable, pathetic state, when we’re moody, aimless, bored and don’t care about anything… I mean, how many possibilities!
How many possibilities to acquire a better education, to earn more money, to build up a nice career, to find ourselves in a good hobby, to achieve excellent results in your favorite sport, to everything that suddenly will be missed when the One enters our life. When we have to show him that what more is in us apart from that Crazy flame… Because, for sure, if beyond our wonderful devotion we cannot present anything else but our fluttering eyelids and puckered mouth, it is almost certain that we’ll be able to stand our ground in love only as much as in other fields of life before… I’m not saying that the magic of puckering cannot last for a while, but in absence of real content, there is no real chance of establishing a long lasting, harmonious relationship. Because if passion has cooled down a bit what are you going to talk about? It is impossible to converse about our non-existent career, hobby, favorite books…

I know that at the time of heartache it is difficult to concentrate on receiving further education in order to rely on more than one opportunities, learning at least one foreign language so that we can speak in the world, or achieving tiny results in any kind of sports (just for the sake of our own amusement) in order to be able to present a little success for ourselves, from which we can feed our self-confidence and self-esteem. And of course, it makes a difference how we introduce ourselves to the love of our lives…

I can not repress the philosopher of religions in myself! For a little note, I must share the thoughts of my favorite philosopher, Hegel, with the dear readership. He maintained that the person who has a strong aim in life, who can stick to one’s aim throughout a lifetime and is able to fight for it, this person will be less worn out by the games of emotions. Personally, I agree with him. You can not live only for love. We need real goals in life that make us nobler, more human, more valuable.

Always Muhammad Ali comes to my mind as the person who realized the above idea. He was preparing for one of the most important matches of his life in Africa, when one of his many wives threw the door open, almost breaking it, and hysterically attacked him: Ali! What about us? Everyone is talking about your affairs, I don’t know what to think about our marriage. Tell me, tell me what you want?! Ali looked up with shining eyes and all he replied was: I wanna be a world champion…

When one parent behaves in a hurtful way, the other parent naturally seeks to retaliate. Then the first parent responds with additional abuse and the other
parent feels the need to respond in kind. This creates a negative feedback loop that can go on for years in a malignant and self sustaining way that brings nothing but misery for everybody in the family.

It only takes one parent deciding to stop reacting to negative behavior, to break the negative feedback loop. You may not realize just how provocative you are. You may not get it that you trigger her in ways that are unfathomable to you. And you may be relieved when she simply doesn’t judge you so harshly anymore. You may even do something nice in return.

Understand that life is unfair. That’s it. Let go of resentments that really don’t count for much in the long run. You see, there is more than just a negative feedback loop. There is a positive one as well.

Treat a normal person with respect; you may get the same in return.

First and foremost, the best way to help your friend through a divorce or, indeed, the decision making process, is simply to spend time with them. The thing that they will likely need most is either an ear to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, so just being there for them – whether it is in person or on the phone – is of utmost importance. It will not only show a sign of solidarity for you as friends, but it will also make them feel more solid as an individual.

So many unhappy people can become scared of divorce because they have nobody to turn to, nobody to support them through it, so it always helps to make it known to them that you are there if they need you.

Buying gifts for her might be a nice way to cheer her up in the short term – bunches of flowers direct to the door never fail to bring a smile to somebody’s face. Flowers, as you probably know, can have many different connotations, so you will need to be careful about picking the right ones for the situation (assuming that recipient is aware of the symbolism behind certain flowers!).

Even if giving a gift or two means that she starts thinking of thank you gift ideas for just being there for her as a friend, at least you have gone some way to taking her mind off the divorce. After all, that is one of the reasons for which they might want you there as a friend. They might want to talk about it in depth or they might want to talk about everything but the divorce so they can enjoy themselves again – either way, if you’re there every step of the way, they’ll feel more confident about making one of the toughest decisions life can throw up.

Image courtesy of Jeroen van Oostrom.

One of the characteristics I cannot stand in divorced people half of divorced people (half because the other half quickly get over it, ie…Dumpee vs Dumper) is the compulsive need to hold on and not move forward. I am not saying that they cling to the marriage or the ex (though some do and boy is that fun) but instead of getting over it, it is almost like they would rather stay wallowing in their pity and misery than move on and embrace their future (a future that does not include a focus on their divorce). And quite honestly I find these people pathetic.

Some of the “can’t get over it” types swear up and down they have moved on yet their actions CLEARLY state the opposite. Now I will give some the benefit of the doubt and say that it is possible they are so caught up in their nonsense that they can’t see the forest for the trees. But really someone should point it out to them.

So here is me pointing it out……

If there is any part of your life that still focuses on the woe is me, the ex did this to me (because you can’t take any responsibility for the problems that were are taking place even though it takes two to get married and two to get a divorce), or discussion about your divorce/ex is still taking place on a regular basis, you are NOT over it. And while I like to joke and the rest of this post will focus on the ridiculousness of those who won’t get over it (and the products that encourage them), in all seriousness if you are one of these people, you really should consider getting help. I am not an advocate for counseling (I’ll explain that another day) but I do believe that if you cannot let go and get over your divorce and more importantly move forward without focusing on the past (a future focusing on your past is not moving forward), you have a problem and it needs to be addressed for the betterment of yourself as well as your friends and family and most importantly children, if you have them. Your focus on the negative is only going to hurt people no matter which way you look at it.

As I like to say to my children–”it takes much more energy to be mean, angry and bitter than it does to just be happy.”

Back to the point –

As most mornings go, last Monday I sat drinking my coffee, smiling at my goofy husband while he chuckled his way throughFark. Although he knows I am listening to him and slightly curious as to what is entertaining him, he also knows that some of the topics he finds amusing are not worth mentioning to me because I will find them ridiculous. But it wasn’t long before he came across an article that he just couldn’t help but roll his eyes and say,”take a look at this craziness.”

Now with that comment he could have shown me any number of articles. It could have been some Florida-tagged article where just about anything happens or it could have been an article that seems relatively normal but people have added their commentary and turned it into comedy. Instead here is what I saw — “Ten Bizarre Divorce Products.”

My first reaction was one of wonder and curiosity. But after reading the aforementioned article let me say that these products are beyond bizarre — this article would be better titled “Ten Products for the Sociopathic, Can’t Get Over Your Divorce Type Person.” Seriously, no one in their right mind would go looking for items like these or even consider purchasing them, though apparently there are people out there that do, which is really why I am writing today. Again, we all need a laugh but these products or for the purely pathetic.

Let’s go one-by-one down this list of gifts and I will explain how ridiculous this is and more on why people seriously need to get over it.

A wedding ring coffin - yep, it is exactly like it sounds. A small little jewelry box made in the shape of a coffin with a slot for your wedding ring to rest. To add to the craziness, you can have a headstone-type plate attached that displays a personal message like “RIP” or “I DO NOT ” and the most disturbingly, “I can’t live without you” Seriously, who would put this on their dresser? Is there any good reason to display a ring from a past that is over and ultimately that “symbol” of your love is now what, on display as a symbol of “I can’t let go”?

Personally, my old ring is in a box somewhere with my husbands old ring (not really sure exactly) just waiting to be tossed. I frankly don’t have the time or energy to spend looking for it. And if I were a scorned woman, do you think I would let anyone know that I was still stuck on the past or that I was not doing just great on my own — no way.

Divorce gift registry - Apparently there are now stores that, in addition to wedding and baby registries, now offer a “divorce registry.” Did your ex get the coffee pot (like if you are a coffee drinker you would wait for someone to buy you this as a gift) or maybe he got the dishes (because you could not stand to look at the dishes you were given on your wedding day), so quick–run out and register for gifts. I am not sure which is more disturbing with this idea: the fact that you would expect people to buy you gifts just because you are divorced or the event you would host in order to be given these gifts. Excuse me while I log into my e-vite account and invite all of my friends and family to my Divorce party.

As a woman who has gone through a divorce I can say that is insane and on the flip side of it, if I were invited to such an event or expected to buy a gift for a person going through this, I would probably send them a card with a referral to see a psychiatrist. It is not like you are attending a wine party with your bff and she spends the evening announcing to all the single men that you have ditched that old hubby and now are free to see whomever (thanks Ang ). Instead this is a “woe is me” party. Don’t you feel so bad for me that you have to bring me gifts. PATHETIC!!!!!

Divorce Cake - Ok so I was going to go on and on about how you spend so much time tasting and choosing the perfect wedding cake (unless your mother-in-law does it for you and picks what she likes, ugh, another great reason to be divorced) that of course you should spend time picking out the perfect divorce cake (again for that great event you plan where you get gifts as well.) But then I thought I must have a picture for everyone who is curious what a divorce cake looks like — that was when the real repulsion started.

I googled divorce cakes and there must have been thousands of pictures. But they were not what I had imagined. I pictured a girly cake with symbols of freedom and all of the things that men typically don’t like. These — well I will let the pictures below speak for themselves.

All that I am going to point out is that it is obvious that 1) women are the consumers of this product and 2) there is some serious bitterness and rage going on that these women need to get over. I would be ashamed to purchase a cake like one of these.

A detachable playhouse - You read that one right. Apparently you can by a toy detachable home for your children to play with. They can either attach it and play house as one big happy family or they can break it apart and play with two separate homes. I can imagine this is a good tool for a counselor or psychiatrist wanting to establish how a child is feeling and better understand him or her through play. But to buy this for your child and make them feel even more disturbed over the change? Why on earth would you do that to your child? Wouldn’t it be better to encourage them and strengthen them into being ok with their new situation? Shouldn’t you be the parent and want to make the best out of the change and point out all of the good, no matter how torn apart you may feel.

Even at the worst moments after my divorce when things were beyond crazy and downright scary, I always protected my children and put on a show of excitement and joy for them with all of the “great” things they were going to do or get in their other “new” home. I never would have let them feel like we were this divided home that was “broken.”

Can you imagine how unsettling this toy could be for a child?

Divorce Ring - So there are probably some women out there that live by the status symbol they believe their wedding ring gives them — I on the other hand, do not. Not that I do not cherish and love the perfect ring that my current husband spent so much time picking out and making perfect for me, but I do not need a ring to tell me I am married or to tell other people. I think it is pretty clear when you see me with my husband that I am the one he loves and he is the one I love.

But for some I suppose I can see the importance that ring has to you. So a divorce ring, well I guess if you need a ring on your finger to feel good about yourself then go buy yourself a beautiful, look-at-the-new-me ring. Again, if you are going to get any object (like a “divorce ring”) that focuses on the divorce and a past that is no longer, there is an issue. And sadly I am pretty sure the market for this kind of ring is just that–a broken-hearted woe is me.

My advice — let it go and do something for the new (moving on) you.

Divorce Photo Album - Like the divorce ring, if you are ready to clear out the pictures and create new memories, go for it. But seriously, buy a pretty new album–not an album entitled “Divorce Album.” If you were to display that on your coffee table, people are going to think you are a bit creepy and strange.

Divorce Music Album - These people are really stretching now. I think some people will come up with anything and everything to focus on the bad. I know that when you are going through a divorce you have no desire to listen to love songs but really, do you need to go out and buy an album that is designated for divorces’?

Divorce App – I’m an Apple girl and I love my apps, however this is one I never would have considered buying. The one listed on the original article is kinda a how-to and an answer your questions kind of app. Ok I get that. We all have questions and concerns and seek advice and information when we are going through divorce so an app makes sense in this case. I guess there really is an app for everything. By far this is the only item on the list that is not all that pathetic–unless you are past the divorce process and still using the app on a regular basis, that would make it pitiful.

Divorce Survival Kit Kitchen Utensil - This one freaks me out. See the picture at the beginning of this post–if there were a female version of this and a potential girlfriend came into a guy’s house with knifes sticking out of a female figure, don’t you think she would be running for the door screaming what a freak he is. So why is ok for a woman to have one with a male figure. Just as creepy, as far as I am concerned.

No matter how angry you are or upset, when is it ever ok to joke about stabbing another human being? It isn’t.

Is it just me or do you notice the theme with these products….they are almost always for women who obviously did nothing wrong and have no blame for the divorce (take note of the serious sarcasm)…..yah right. Does it make you wonder about women and their inability to get over things? Or maybe wonder, why are there not products like this for men?

Maybe it is because men are not this desperate and self-loathing after a divorce. Maybe it is there egos that just won’t let them sink to these kinds of lows.

Take a cue ladies, because these items are not cute and inspiring. In fact, bizarre is definitely a great descriptive word of these products but also clearly describes those individuals who would partake in these products. Only people who can’t get over their divorce and who want to keep the focus on the negative rather than moving forward and embracing their future would consume these items or any other product that focuses on divorce. It is not like they are buying a self-help book and trying to move forward.

What’s the moral? GET OVER IT!!!!!!

And then a seemingly never-ending process begins! In bookstores and on the Internet dozens of books, magazines, self-help courses advertise the solution, try to seduce us as the Sirens did with Odysseus. You are either ready for the changes or not. Experience shows that we are unable to let the other go, cannot embrace the idea that this is over, now we have to be happy alone. Since this kind of happiness requires active work on our part, we usually don’t feel like accepting this solution…

We rather snivel on the shoulders of our favourite girlfriends because we want to tell someone that the pain is unbearable, that the loss is irreplaceable, that our heart’s been hurt so bad that it’s never going to be healed, that life is never going to be the same as it used to be.
And then on a wine-smelling, series-addict evening new promising solutions pop up on the Internet! The oracle! Who shows you your future, path, direction and opens up new opportunities and promises everything good…

We make an appointment, we go there, we have our fortune told and we are waiting for someone who sorts out our future. Tall, blond man with one black shoe, two days later in the elevator! The answer is really promising… Just to make sure, we visit another oracle to prove the truth of the previous one to ourselves. Magic ball, a black cat – a tall, brown man in the park a week later. Truth reveals itself! Positive prospects, major developments in future.

That’s not enough, since it is actually a good astrologer who knows the truth! We attend to it, search for it, try to make out the exact date from the starry sky, in order to walk home with the possibly most accurate predictions in our bag. The celestials blessed us with amazing formula! Future promises plenty of opportunities for this and that, good job, travelling, love, everything is possible because our own destiny is in our hands! It is difficult to digest! Whatever I do tomorrow that’s how it is going to be… If I enjoy the sunshine, I’ll be happy, if I am constantly thinking about passing love, I’ll be unhappy… It all depends on me! But who can live with so much responsibility?

In the evening we nestle ourselves into our favourite armchair, stare at the TV screen, and don’t get it why nobody is able to understand that we are lost, incapable of decisions and actions, our broken heart cannot be held together even by the world’s strongest superglue. Maybe I should wait because time solves everything. Or destroys? You can seek for scientific solutions, might wander on religious ways, can meditate all day long, anything might come that offers momentary solution, may promise reconciliation in the sea of sorrow …

Personally, I believe my astrologer! I believe that my destiny is really in my hands. It is not simply hard but brutally hard to wake up with the weight of this responsibility every day and to go through the day.

Being a Buddhist, I meditate regularly – for my own happiness. It helps me to see, life is full of happiness, even if I’m unable to see this all the time. It helps me to feel for a moment (!!!) that the world is perfect, the flow of continuous change in it is the natural order of life, helps to see myself with the eyes of an ‘outside observer’ and not to spend my life in the prison of my obsessions, but to try to discover the uniqueness and the inherent endless possibilities and creativity in every moment.
We might lie to everyone, especially to ourselves, might lie that we aren’t afraid. But fear is going to grow constantly inside us. The fear that this miracle of love will never find us again. That He was the last man in our lives, who we honestly and truly loved, with whom we devised our future. That it was the last time that our hearts beat so much for someone.

Then suddenly, maybe not such a long time later, when we’d given up our desires, we’d actually believed that He does not return to us, when we’d got used to our changed days, which has become our everyday life, our fears come to the surface again. Those fears, which will be even more realistic than the previous ones. Which whisper that when we are in a hurry and don’t expect it, when we’ve given up, don’t wait for it, don’t plan it – step out to the street without make-up, with matted hair and someone comes towards us who revives the feeling and the magic happens again! We fall in love…

Time, though, is a great healer and there comes a point when women want to start feeling sexy again and feeling good about themselves. Some will relish their newly-single status sooner than others. Some will take a while to get used to being so independent once more.

Whenever the desire arises to feel sexy again, you’d be amazed at what a difference buying some nice sexy lingerie or a couple of sex toys can make to confidence levels, stress levels and general well-being levels.

Treat yourself to lingerie that makes you look stunning and feel fantastic as you meet all the challenges that life throws up head on and show that you’re not going to let a failed marriage get you down for too long. The great thing about lingerie is that it’s affordable, widely available and comes in a variety of different colors, shapes and styles so women of every size can find a little something extra special that’ll ensure they look amazing.

No doubt woman all over America could relate to that moment in the film Bridget Jones’s Diary when her unflattering pants come to light. Hands up who owns a pair or two of ‘comfy’ pants? Yep, most of us are guilty of that, but we should also make room in our knicker drawer for some sultry lingerie.

Enjoy some pleasure with sex toys as well. There are all sorts of different sex toys on the market at present, from the weird to the wonderful. Get intimate with yourself and banish the stresses and strains over everyday life. Get imaginative between the sheets. Use them as a substitute partner for a while or maybe just for the sheer hell of it and because you’re a sexual person.
It’s time to start embracing your change in lifestyle and have a bit of fun in the bedroom!
This was a featured article provided by AnnSummers.com all photos used were provided courtesy of Roland Darby and you can get more images like this from him here

Let’s start with the SEEMINGLY most humiliating situation: if he left us for another woman. The most important thing to know about this particular situation is that it didn’t happen because we’re not good enough or pretty enough, or anything! Quite simply we have to digest, however hard it might be, that the story is not about us, we aren’t event participants of the events. The possible greatest mistake is to think that we were left behind because we were incapable of coping with a relationship. It simply happens so because, on the one hand that’s life – imagine if your previous relationships hadn’t come to an end and you should still be with the same guy as five or ten years ago – few better tragedies could happen to us.

Or because we outgrew the framework of the relationship, we need new people, new experiences – but unfortunately human nature tends to be reluctant to change well-established things and we rather sit in a bad relationship than voluntarily accept singe-life.

Or quite simply we don’t gain anything from our relationship anymore and the other person is willing to take up the role of the form-breaking, ungrateful relationship-breaker, who files for divorce.

A break-up can be about a lot of things, however certainly NOT about one thing, our incapability!

If our partner falls in love with another woman, he expresses it to the least extent that there is something wrong with us, since we are not even part of this story. In this case, the man, as a sentimental human being falls in love with someone, just as he did some time before with us…

In reverse positions, the whole situation doesn’t look so bad, does it? If you think about it, when you fell in love with somebody else, honestly, innocently, you can see that your current partner couldn’t do anything about that, we saw someone whose smell, intimacy and smile was irresistible. He had nothing to do with the story; it was about us and our new love. It wasn’t he who changed, but we, WE fell in love! This was completely independent from our current partner, since nobody is vaccinated against love, neither he, nor we! Life is about change, about our internal changes, about the never-ending cycles of the world that surrounds us, as they say: we have our ups and downs… What could be more real? It is an inherent nature of a healthy and authentic life that we cannot be constantly at the top, cannot always succeed in everything as we planned, and that we are able to accept changes and adapt to them.

Becoming single is one of the most dynamic and exciting points of a relationship. Because at that moment we have ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES to choose who we fall in love with – in contrast to the situation when we live in a relationship or a marriage, where our love “object” is kind of given. The only problem is – as my Buddhist philosopher of religions-self would say – that in this situation, experienced as a crisis, we only see one thing that the relationship has ended. According to Buddha, our conscious is space-like, that is to say infinite; and infinity provides us with infinite creativity and possibilities every moment. Provided we are able to look away from the fact that suddenly we became single or divorced and what a terrible thing it is, and let the rest of the world reveal itself for us, and we discover how incredibly lucky we are.

I don’t deny that on my part I mostly considered all of my break-ups as the end of the world. I cried out my eyes, tired my best girlfriends to death with the most beautiful moments of my passing-away love (which I had had told them million times before), stuffed myself with cakes (here we go, not only the end of the world, but I even put on few pounds on the top of the crisis), or I could not eat a bite and scared everybody with the external and internal signs of exhaustion… So I did many things that I neither enjoyed, nor did it take me forward, nor resolved my situation and above all did not promise better prospects…

Then, in the next situation, where for some reason, I forgot about the spiritual torture and self-pity, that I’ve obligatorily prescribed for myself, I was able to see how many things exist in the world apart from my GREAT and UNSOLVABLE problem!

Suddenly I began to wonder what to do with so much free time and empty space that was generated in my life. Of course, first of all I thoroughly mourned the programs, which had formed an integral part of my life. But then I realized that there are a lot of things to do, a lot of things I’ve neglected in the past because the relationship used up all of my time, energy, attention. And it was time to give all of these to someone who deserves them the most: myself!

Agatha Seymour is working as a writer, journalist though holds a Master’s Degree in Philosophy of Religion while she is interested in everything that is connected to people, relationships. The writer is currently working on her fourth book and you might meet her as a journalist of several online magazines around Europe. She is writing on the theme of marriage crises and relationship problems.

Her blog can be found at agathaseymour.blogspot.com

and her website at agathaseymour.com.

Her kindle format book, entitled Till Life Do Us Part, has recently been published on amazon.com. The book explores the theme of why men leave women, why women become boring for them, why comes a new, even younger woman, with whom the adored love lives through again the same passionate moments. As a practicing wife, she is looking for and finds the answer in her book in a diary-like form.

With four kids all in school and all in extracurricular activities and sports, not to mention a husband whose job takes him out of town on most fall weekends, I barely have time to breathe let alone cook a nice dinner for my family. And even if I did have the time to cook, we would all be eating at different times and who wants a cold dinner they have to reheat.

The solution…my Crock-Pot. Seriously, my Crock-Pot becomes part of my morning routine. Almost every meal I cook during fall weekdays includes it.

I am constantly looking for new recipes for my Crock-Pot, however, I do have several family favorites that I will share with you.

Today’s recipe–Pizza Pasta–one of the kids’ favorites!!!!

Ingredients:

• 1 pound lean ground meat, browned and drained
• 3 ounces pepperoni, sliced
• 1 can cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
• 1 large onion, chopped
• 12 ounces shredded parmesan cheese
• 8 ounces rigatoni pasta, cooked for 5 minutes and drained
• 14 ounces spaghetti sauce
• optional items: mushrooms chopped, olives chopped, other items you enjoy on pepperoni pizza (my family adds mushrooms)

Directions:

Mix ground beef, onion and spaghetti sauce together in bowl or skillet that was used to brown the meat. In the slow cooker, layer in order: half of meat mixture, half of cooked pasta, half of the can of soup, half of the cheese, half of the pepperoni slices and half of any other additional items you have prepared. Repeat layers.

Cook on low heat for 4 hours and serve with your favorite salad.

Author Bio: Carrie Dahle has spent her life doing the right thing, rather than pursuing her dreams. That is until now. Four years ago, she threw caution to the wind, divorced her then husband of ten years, and began reaching for the stars. She began writing professionally, and has been published numerous times. She is the founder and creator or Day to Day Woman and hopes that her experiences in life will inspire others