It may not seem it. But it’s there, deep within him.

It is beyond his admission, beyond his self-awareness. But it’s there… eating away at his soul:

His self-loathing.

He may seem all blissfully happy-in-love with her – just look at that skip in his step! That skips says that he wants nothing more than to ‘get rid of you,’; you’re a pest that keeps biting him in the ankle.  Because of YOU, he can’t move on and be ‘free.’

But you’re not enchaining him, you’re reminding him…of his self-loathing.

His anger masks it. Mean words. Venomous actions. Like trying to take custody of the kids. Trying to stop paying you. Trying to control you, limit you, and make you suffer.

But you are on your way to freedom, it is he who is possessed….by his self-loathing.

For can’t you see? He still can’t look you in the eye. He always looks away. It’s not because the sight of you “disgusts him” like he says. It’s cause he’s hiding something in there that he’s too cowardly to face.  His self-loathing.

Some part of him knows that he is responsible for how his life looks. That he arrived here and now because of choices he made back then. And they were bad choices. Maybe even hard choices. Regardless, they were choices with consequences.

But as for YOU, dear woman, you must not allow your compassion to excuse the choices he’s making now; for his mean words and venomous actions ARE choices, whether he makes them blindly or not.

It is not your job to fix him.

It is not your job to help him find his way.

Your job is to take care of you and your children.

And leave the cheater to his karma.

Delaine –    www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

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I’ve been wondering why the Tiger Woods thing is such a big deal in the media. Why do people care about Tiger’s infidelities? After all, it seems to me that infidelity is treated as no big deal in this country. Men cheat every day, get caught, get divorced, leave their kids, drag their kids into the home of the other woman and truly no one gives a damn, including the courts. Adultery isn’t even a cause for divorce in 48 states (still is in New York—bless my state). So why the big fuss?

I read the thread on the ABC news site about the story and almost 100% of the comments said it was private matters, no big deal, leave the guy alone. My favorite comment was by a woman who caught her husband cheating and took a golf club to his Lexus. She still remembers how much fun that was. Some commenters speculated he would go off his game, lose his sponsors, and wind up leaving the golf world in disgrace, but the majority couldn’t understand why the media was making such a fuss about mere cheating.

No one mentioned his children, who I had to Google to find out he actually had. He has two children, babies, who luckily aren’t old enough to be affected by this scandal—NOW. But, they sure will be in the future. His kids will be the victims of this scandal if it ends in divorce—or even if it doesn’t, because they will be old enough to read someday. I find it amazing that Tiger’s children were totally ignored by the media during this scandal.

If there are just two adults involved, married or not, I agree that cheating should be a private affair. Of course cheating hurts no matter what, marriage vows shouldn’t be violated, but maybe your marriage should end, you should move on. Cheating can also be a wake-up call for your marriage—time to reevaluate what’s going on between the two of you and try to establish a different relationship—an honest one.

When there are children involved, cheating is another level of offense—against those children as well as your spouse. Children who have to face a parent’s infidelity are going to be…read more

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