Divorce Recovery: Beware Expectations

Submitted by Divorce Coach Shelley Stile In a nutshell, expectations are premeditated resentments and disappointments. They are self-sabotaging beliefs we hold that literally set us up to feel bad and keep us stuck in the pain of our divorce. They are in direct conflict with how the world actually works and are based on the [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: If Only I Could Change Him…

Submitted by: Shelley Stile Question: Dear Shelley, I know I should move on – the list of “cons” to being married to him is so LOOOONG.   But I am attached/co-dependent on him and I constantly think about what we COULD have (if he was different) and I keep hoping and beleiving that MAYBE if he would [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: My Ex Is Constantly Texting Me!

Question: Dear Shelley: I’m newly divorced, three and a half months.  He has custody of our three young sons, ages 5, 4 and 3. I am working my way through this divorce, healing from past abuse issues that have come up, trying to maintain my sobriety as well as establish boundaries around our co-parenting. He [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Should I tell my kids what he’s REALLY like?

Question: Dear Shelley, A few years ago I found out my husband was talking to women online, meeting up with them in hotel rooms at night, and getting drunk. I have been a very good mom and wife and have tried to live a Christian life in spite of him lying to our children and his secretive plans to [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Even my Faith isn’t appeasing the pain

Question: Dear Shelley, My wife left me saying she isn’t in love with me anymore and is filing for a divorce. I came home one day and she’d moved her stuff out of the house while I was gone. She doesn’t have a new man, she just wants out. She is living with her daughter. [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach:My wife abused me yet I can’t let go

Question: Hi Shelley, My wife and I have separated.  I don’t understand why I’m finding it so difficult to let go of the marriage cause she was both physically and emotionally abusive towards me.  Why do I keep making excuses for her?  Why do I blame myself for that abuse?  I have met someone really [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Move on? Let Go? Pfft. Yeah, right.

Question: Dear Shelley, “Moving on” and “letting go”.  These are the two phrases I HATE the most. My ex revealed his affair in July of ’09. I filed for divorce in August and he moved in with his girlfriend. We were married nine years and have two kids. His girlfriend just gave birth to their [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Wanting to write a letter to the in-laws

Question: Dear Shelley, I feel a great need and desire to write a letter to my ex’s family. We were married for 27 years and they were my family for longer than that.  My ex-husband had an affair and left my 16-year-old son and I. We have both remarried but my ex has no relationship [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: “I Didn’t See It Coming”

Question: Dear Shelley: After 24 years of marriage, my husband moved out last week, told me he wants to be free and NEVER loved me.  My friends are ignoring me and my children are on his side.  I work full time and have not told anyone at my job yet.  I am not sleeping well [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Conflicting Feelings

Question: Dear Shelley, I have been separated since May and find myself on a roller coaster of emotions every day. I have far too much contact with my ex (my choice) and it pains me to see him happy. I was blindsided with the separation and love him dearly. I know I am being destructive [...]

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