So I spent the wee hours of last Monday night having a ‘private party’ with just me, a bottle of wine, and Alanis Morissette.  Of course, she was just playing on youtube… but I’ll tell you, the music from her album, Jagged Little Pill, sure did hit the spot  – especially the song, Ironic.  For you see, further to the last ‘date’ I went on, where the guy turned out to be a complete liar, a similar thing happened again a week later with a DIFFERENT guy! 

This man spent hours talking to me on the phone.  He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me AND he said numerous times that he was looking for a serious relationship.  

But when the day arrived that we were to meet me in person, he didn’t show up.  Not just that, he didn’t even phone!  Nor has he since…just, nothing.

So how is this ironic?  My friend, it’s not because I got duped two times in a row; heck, that happens to the best of us.  It’s ironic because I’d only recently decided that I WANT and am finally ready for a serious relationship.  And this has required I stop being so guarded and suspicious of men, and start trusting again – a scary thing to do, I know.  And what happened when I put myself back out there again?  Why I got duped and dumped SUPER fast!  

But the irony runs even deeper  – cause you see, while I was talking to this guy, my spider senses went off a couple of times; a few things he did seemed strange, i.e. him falling asleep on the phone one night.  But I brushed my suspicions off and consciously CHOSE to give him the benefit of the doubt instead: I chalked it down to me LOOKING FOR trouble (as per my habit) when there wasn’t any.    But in reality, my sense were right all along!    That’s a little too ironic…yeah, I really do think.

Please understand that I’m actually laughing about this - actually, that’s me up there in the photo saying, “What the h***?”  I moreso feel like the universe is giving me a test – as if it’s playfully taunting, ”Are you REALLY ready for a relationship, Amelia?  Or are you going to return to hiding out in your fortress if your Shining Knight doesn’t show up pronto?” 

But no, I didn’t seek cover and return to ‘hiding.’  Instead I shared my angst with Alanis on youtube over a bottle of wine…

And I laughed.  Cause as Alanis says, Cause what it all comes down to, is everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine!

Amelia

www.iamdivorcednotdead.com.

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Venturing into the online dating world can feel as scary as trekking through a dark, unknown wood.  Who lurk’eth in the shadows?  we can’t help but wonder.  Maybe “lions & ligers & bears, on my!”

As I set out on last weekend’s first-date ‘adventure,’ I admit I felt both nervous and excited.  Both on the phone and during our IM session, we’d had great chemistry.  Plus, given as he was a dentist and almost all of my family works in medicine, we had a lot in common.  

Sitting in the pub wearing a pretty dress and a fresh coat of lip-gloss, I waved as I saw him come through the entranceway. I stood up as he approached and shook his hand.  “Hi, I’m Amelia,” I said. 

“Wow, you’re so cute!” he said as we both sat down.

“Cute?  Like a puppy?”  I teased.

“Haha.  No, I mean HOT.  Sexy.  SUPER sexy.”  His eyes darted around. 

Immediately, my spider sense went off.  Something didn’t seem right…. But I ignored my intuition and went ahead and ordered wine from the waitress. 

Right away, he started talking about how he’d recently moved to our city.  “I’ve spent the last 10 years in Ottawa,” he said.  “I worked for Telus Communications…”  And as he rambled on about the team of computer technicians he oversaw, I sat there with a frozen smile on my face.

Finally, he stopped talking.  I looked him straight in the eyes and stated,  “You told me you were dentist.” 

Pase.  Squirm squirm.  Eyes darted. “Oh, did I? (laugh)  

“Yes, you did.  Remember?  My brother is a dentist and almost all of my family is in medicine?  We talked about it at great length.”

More laughing; looking away.  “Ohhhhh, that was you.  I was talking to like three different girls last night.  I must have got you confused.  Oh well.  It happens (laugh).”

I looked down at my purse and clenched the strap in my hand.  Decision was made.  “I’m leaving,” I announced as I stood up.

“Oh, c’mon!  Don’t you think you’re over reacting a bit?”

I paused for a second then looked down at him.  “No.  I’m not overreacting.  I just don’t date liars.” 

And I walked out.  Liars & tigers & snakes, good-bye!

Amelia www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

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Oh, the wild and wacky world of e-dating.  You’d think that by now, I’d be used to the insanity of it having been on and off sites for almost three years.  But THIS message, just in,  STILL caught me off guard:

Hi gorgeous!  You are one fine looking lady, phew! lol.  Where do you want to go?  What do you want to do?  Money’s no object.  I’m married but good-looking and I’m rich LOL.  My number is (780) &&&-****.  Hurry up now..I’m waiting LOL.

Now I’ve received numerous emails from married men since going online.  But for the most part, I’ve usually just ignored them (rolled my eyes and deleted).  And luckily, most men  take that as  “Not interested.  Go away.”  But when I received the above email, I was in a bad mood and it irritated the heck out of me.  So I replied:

Might I suggest you hold your breath while you wait? 

And as soon as I hit the send button, I felt MUCH better. 

Don’t get me wrong - I’ve been much heavier handed than that: I’ve pounded out the odd expletive ending with the word “off.”  And yet on one other occasion, I took the time to sarcastically reply:   Right…so you’re married and obviously unhappy yet you want me to help you figure out your screw-up head with my time and potentially my heart.  Gee, how appealing.

Ah but ladies…the married man is a persistent breed, is he not?  And sometimes if we communicate with him at all, in ANY manner, he sees it as an invitation to keep trying; he wants what he can’t have, right?  “Oh, you’re so fiery!  Now I REALLY want to meet you!”  or “God, I’d bet you be so hot in bed!”  they’ll come back with.  ANYTHING to prop a door open.  And why not?  I guess in their minds they have nothing to lose.

So tell me ladies if and how you’ve dealt with married men during your online adventures -  any good one-line comebacks?  Any horror stories to tell? 

Cause rest assured that in this vast online world, not only do such lowly creatures prowl, so too, do their more manipulative counterparts:  the ones who downright lie and pretend they’re single.  Even my MOM dated one of those.  And gutsy lady she is, when she found out he was married (they were out at a fancy social event), she walked right up to him in her classy dress, wine glass in hand…

AND poured it on him!

Delaine  www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

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